My 91-year-old Mom wants me to get out all her Christmas decorations this year. She thinks she can decorate but I know better as I can't even get her to pay her bills and she won't give them to me. I know if I do this we will still have decorations strewn around the living room, and not put up, all the way to Christmas Day. She wants to have my brother's family over this year for Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Day. I know all the cleaning, decorating, cooking and clean-up is going to fall on me and I am really stressed.
She knows how I feel but still wants to go through with it. Do I put my foot down and tell her I will do some decorating but I will not get all her stuff out. I live with her and have many of my own decorations and would be happy to put a lot of them up. Or, do I do as she says and feel the stress of looking at a mess that she is unable to handle? I know this could be her last Christmas but I want it to be an enjoyable time for me too and I am so anxious about this. My brother will be doing Thanksgiving so I am grateful for that. His family is a help with cooking but not Christmas decorations and cleaning at my house.
The caregiving arrangement has to work for both parties. Sounds like it is not working for you rirght now. I strongly recommend getting her tested so you know what you're dealing with. I learned a lot by watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. There are ways to interact with our LOs with dementia to make everyday engagement more peaceful and productive. She can't help having dementia. You need to alter your strategy and perceptions so that you don't burn out.
When my MIL was in decline, I arrranged a special decorating day with her and her grandkids. I put on Christmas music and made cookies for them (or they made "easy" cookies together). You don't have to get her "buy in" for plans -- do what is the least stressful for you. There are no wrong answers.