My mother died about a year ago. So I stayed to help take care of my father. He’s 70. I do all the house work, cook and I mean literally everything for this man. He still says I do nothing and I am lazy. This man won’t even get up to feed himself, when he is capable. He tells me I treat him awful and do nothing for him. Advice?
70? You're giving up your life for someone who is 70?
There are a bunch of people here whose loved ones are in their 90's or above.
Are you ready to give up your life for the next 30 years?
Dad is hale and hearty at 70. Using all his energy to complain. Needs to put that into taking care of himself.
Get him a good cookbook, wrap it nicely, leave it on the table with a sweet note, and get on with your life.
I am 82. Still cook just fine! Clean. Take walks. Garden. Go to museums.
Time for dad to get himself a life. And you, too. Know I wish you the very best of luck, Lucy.
You're exceptional. I think maybe the OP's father like so many who are still quite capable of being independent, want to be "babied" by others. They want to be catered to and "babied" like they're children or invalids but at the same time be treated like they're the boss and in charge of everything and everyone.
My mother has been this way my entire life since she was a young woman.
The OP needs to force him to do for himself and the only way this happens is if she stops being his servant.
Now, force dad to rebuild his life by moving out so you can rebuild YOUR life. You are not meant to be his chief cook and bottlewasher while he hurls insults at you all day long. I sure hope this wasn't your mom's role!
I agree with the post to give him a cook book and the number of a housecleaning service .
Or suggest he go to independent living community where he will get meals and housecleaning , meet people .
Also suggest Dad go to the doctor for a check up , maybe he needs an antidepressant or grief counseling .
OP , does your father have any cognitive issues ? Maybe in addition to depression he could be evaluated for those issues as well .
Was he always like this ? Did Mom wait on him hand and foot ?
Literally don't do a damn thing for him and I mean absolutely nothing. No cooking, no cleaning, no shopping, no running errands, no anything.
When he starts up with trying to instigate with you about how terrible you treat him, your laziness, and how you do nothing tell him exactly what I told my mother who behaved very similar.
Tell him that you don't want to make a liar out of him so you're living up to what he says to you and what he surely says about you to others. So you're not helping him anymore.
He'll change his tune quick about you being lazy and doing nothing. Maybe he'll be stubborn for a few days or weeks but make him ask if he wants or needs something. This is what I had to do with my mother. I stopped making sure everything was at her fingertips and three delicious meals a day plus snacks that she complained about incessantly stopped appearing out of nowhere. I just stopped everything.
When she got tired of living on old peanut butter and stale crackers because it was all that was in the house (I ate out or only prepared single-portion meals for myself), she rolled back the entitled behavior and bad attitude. Your father will too. If he doesn't walk away and leave him to fend for himself, or get him placed in AL or some other kind of LTC.
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