I am a in home caregiver and I think my clients are very sweet. One of the people I caregive for is older but he is very aware still. I am a female and 21 years old. One day he told me he liked having my company as a young pretty girl. He bought me chocolates asking me to be his valentines which was sweet as well as my favorite drink, this was a day after I had to reschedule with him but, there are times where he will follow me around while I’m cleaning and just stare and watch, this is uncomfortable especially with it only being the two of us in his home. Another time when I was late, he asked to take photos of me on his iPad. I was hesitant, he said just take the photo I’ll show u when it’s done. I asked what for and he said “gossip”, I was thinking maybe it was for his group chat to show his family that I finally made it. I’m still not sure. He told me to grab the drink from the fridge and hold it up with the label (this was the drink he buys for me), the other two were of me while holding cleaning supplies while smiling. I thought this was strange because I had no idea what for. He doesn’t do anything out of reason but I still worry when I am cleaning around the house. I know I may be overreacting but as a young girl I am not sure if these things should be questioned, or if it’s nothing to worry about. I would like to let my manager know but I am also afraid of them discussing this with him and then going back to work with him. I feel bad because maybe there isn’t any harm in it, but I worry about something escalating. Please let me know, I appreciate the answers!
Chocolates once. Ok.
Photos? Could be innocent or could be too far.
You concented to 2 so that's done but stop it there so a habit does not form.
Any photos taken without your consent = assertively request they be deleted immediately.
An elder man can appreciate a pretty young lady but he may need frequent reminding what is ok & not ok.
Eg No touching rule. I need this much personal space rule. No photos rule. No gifts rule (a can of drink is an allowed exception).
I'd factor in his age, size & mobility when deciding on the risks to continue. A sweet talking (or even sleazy talking) frail older man confined to a wheelchair differs significantly to a physically able man.
In a care home, a physically able man with inappropriate behaviour may find he is assigned more male aides, or the female aides work in pairs. This is not possible for home care - so always keep your safety a top priority.
I'm not blaming the OP. She's asking for advice and it's just a pity that her agency hasn't already provided her with the guidelines.
It's okay to accept a small gift like a box of chocolates or a small gift or gift card for a holiday or birthday.
Not Valentine's Day gifts though. That can be very misleading. The OP is an adult. Yes, 21 is an adult and in today's day and age a 12 year old today would know better than to accept Valentine's Day gifts from a single male.
She should just wear a wedding ring all the time and tell the male clients she's married. When they think you have a man at home they behave.
The following you around would creep me out. Its called shadowing with Dementia. From day one I would have asked him to stop and I don't like it. If you are going to do a job like this, you set boundries from Day one. Your not their to make friends, your there to do a job. They are clients.
Hopefully Burnt Caregiver will respond, she is very good about placing boundries with her clients.
You should not have accepted the chocolates or the drinks. You call it the drink he buys for you so that tells me this is not the first time you've accepted.
How you should have handled it was to tell him that the agency doesn't allow aides to accept gifts, but that you'll have a couple of pieces of that chocolate and leave the rest for him so you don't get in trouble with your supervisor.
An absolutely hard NO on the taking pictures of you for any reason. Least of all "gossip". What do you think that means? You're 21 years old living in 2023 not the Victorian times where a young lady would have no idea why an old man wants pictures of them. Come on now.
You need to have a discussion with your client and tell him that the following you from room to room and buying you gifts is crossing an innappropriate line between client and caregiver. Let him know that you don't want to go to your supervisor.
I'll let you in on a little tip that you should do the next time you're assigned an old man as a client. Wear a wedding ring and tell them you're married.
Even when I wasn't married I did this. The old guys back off when they think you've got a man at home.
The fact that it makes you uncomfortable is reason to report it to your manager and be reassigned.