My mother does not think she needs to be in assisted living but several people in her condo complex as well as a good friend of hers have called me to express concern. She lives over 3 hours away from me and I'd like her to live closer to me. I'm hoping a geriatrician will confirm my assessment that my mother should not be living alone.
Has this doctor seen your mom before, or will this be a first time visit? If it's a first time visit, I'd try to prepare the doctor with some background information before you and your mom go into his office. Write up what you want to be sure he knows and get it to him via his office people when you check in at the desk. Make sure they know you want him to read it prior to your visit.
It's possible your mom could live in independent living (one step down from assisted living) depending on the level of her memory issues. My mom has significant short-term memory issues (basically no short-term memory), but she's able to live in independent living with a lot of help from me. She has a daily routine that she sticks to and is doing ok at 96. She's lived there for 13 years - knock on wood.
What are the neighbors saying?
The list can contain things like this: Cannot manage her own affairs, cannot resist exploitation, is late on paying bills, has stacks unopened mail, car insurance canceled due to nonpayment, spoiled food in fridge, forgets and leave stove on, unable to cook, heater running on 87 when it's 85 outside, repeating same stories over and over, laundry not done, doesn't bathe, linens filthy, not taking medications, no memory how to take medication, cannot work alarm system, repeated calls to 911 from anxiety, can't operate tv remote, disoriented in the neighborhood, making odd comments to neighbors, lies a lot about her ability to do things, wanders, gets lost in familiar surroundings, poor short term memory, repeated falls, repeatedly calls friends and family, thinks she is fine and refuses to go to assisted living.
The doctor may give her a mini evaluation where they ask certain questions that she may or may not be able to answer. Some dementia patients perform pretty well, especially in the mornings. I might go to the doctor in the afternoon, as that may be a time of a more accurate depiction of her condition. Let the doctor know that her answers may not be correct. Try to sit behind her, so you can shake your head when her answers are incorrect.
Depending on how it goes, the doctor may tell her she needs assisting living. My cousin's doctor was nice but firm. She told her she really needed to go and that it wasn't something that she could let go. It worked, because within 24 hours, I convinced her to go temporarily for rehab....just to get her health straight.
Good luck.