As I posted before my grandmother attempted to kill herself in November. She went to emergency which was traumatic as she had to be restrained and held on a psychological hold. Well she convinced them she was okay and safe and came home.
Since coming home she's in her usual Christmas mania buzzing around the house doing crafts. She has a broken back, that hasn't stopped her. When she's like this though her behavior isn't bad aside from lack of self-care.
She's convinced that she only wanted attention and that we sent her to the hospital to be abused. She has a psychological appointment tomorrow which I already know is going to end poorly.
Her memory is failing her more since she got back. Every time I tell her she's told me something and then repeat back what she said she gets mad saying she'd never say that and I'm putting words in her mouth. But if I just say "okay" she gets mad saying I don't actually care.
She truly believes nothing is wrong, and if you even insinuate there is she gets angry. She remembers all the long term banked stuff so thinks her memory is flawless.
My grandfather and I are getting tired of being accused but her not taking any accountability for anything. I love her dearly, but it's exhausting. I know it's her brain being broken, but her not seeing that makes us look like the bad guys.
Before you say anything. Her son just passed, and the other two are at a loss and only get upset being with her, they aren't a help. She's lucid enough to mask so everyone thinks she's fine. Care cannot come if she's not diagnosed here, we're lucky to have an OT coming in and a psych appointment. She has refused homecare and legally they can't touch her.
I've thought of recording what she says and does and showing it to her so she can see we're not the lying ones. I know that'll just enrage her though and won't really help. It's kinda mean too. It's just frustrating. She's there, but she's not and it's like dealing with a toddler that can't learn.
That a hospital has released her WITHOUT DIAGNOSIS is criminal, but that is for your GRANDFATHER, her husband and for her SON to handle and address. Not for you. You are a granddaughter and it is your job to move on with your life. If you are grown, and an age of majority, it is time to move out, get an education and/or job and work toward a future for your own family. You did not cause this aging, dementia and mental illness and you have exactly ZERO POWER to do ANYTHING whatsoever about it. You are attempting to take on something you are not equipped to handle.
It is time for you to back away from all of this. Leave this to grandfather and his son and tell them you are sorry but you cannot handle this.
If you live in this home with all these folks I can only suggest moving about 1,000 miles away from home to begin your life.
Your grandmother may be mentally ill. She may have dementia. She may have a combination. But there is nothing you can do about any of that. It won't change but it WILL for CERTAIN get a good deal worse without treatment and or placement. Neither of these is within your power.
Please get the good book (cheap used on Amazon) by Liz Scheier, a memoir called Never Simple which describes how she attempted to help her mentally ill mother for DECADES with the full help of the auspices of the social service agencies of city and state of New York. ALL to no avail as her mother died after a long life of bouncing from homeless to skid row squalor.
You have no power here. And to throw your own life on this burning funeral pyre would be a huge mistake, because this will be a very slow burn.
Its nice to think you are the only person on earth who can care for her, but that's not true. Aides can be hired or GMA can be placed in Memory Care Assisted Living if necessary. There are many options available.
You should learn all you can about dementia so you'll realize that GMA IS like a toddler now and she definitely cannot learn new things. Such is the nature of the condition. With or w/o a diagnosis, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.....
Best of luck.
I think you need to run for your life. But I can also understand how you feel as if you must help, even though she is not your responsibility and you will never get your years back. Years from now, when you look back, you’re likely going to hate how long you were manipulated. That’s how I feel.
Perhaps frame the situation differently. She is too much for your grandfather. Is he safe? At risk due to her behaviour? What’s his role in this? Change your tack from her to him.
Read up on anisognosia