Mom will call my sister 4-5 times a day, when she struggles to dial, she asks me to. She was calling her husband (step dad) repeatedly. As she now resides with me, I told my sister to screen the calls, but mom forgets she’s already called her or when sister takes her checkbook home to balance Mom will call repeatedly to double check where her checkbook is, or if sister made her Coumadin check appt, or if it’s this weekend she’s coming over to stay a while, so I can go off, mostly reassurance, even after I calmly explain, yes, she’s coming tomorrow morning for breakfast, we already to spoke to her about it an hour ago..”just dial her, I want to make sure”
I've looked for a phone number that no one will answer, like a pay phone (good luck finding one of those now) using it to “call sis” and say, hmmm, she’s probably stepped out a while.
Have you introduced your mom to texting? It's a lot easier for folks to respond to texts while working and such, and you could read the responses to Mom. Maybe your family members could even make an effort to send a photo or thought of the day type thing once in a while. It just occurs to me that it might be a need for connection in addition to the forgetfulness or anxiety about things. Maybe a little proaction on your family members' end might help soothe her?
My mom's blindness also made her very bored, also leading her to call us all day to chat.
A few years ago, my mom struck up an unlikely friendship with one of my brother's co workers. They are both spiritual and this kind young man began sending my mom cards and letters discussing spiritual things, family, etc. It really captured my mom's imagination and took a lot of her attention from calling family all day.
Now she carries her basket of cards from Martin around the house with her all the time, and they seem to give her a lot of peace.
Encouraging friends to send notes, photos, letters as often as they can might help too.
I wish I could be more help. I know it is frustrating for your family and for you.
"Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge" by Mem Fox
In this book, Wilfred overhears someone say that one of his friends at the neighboring assisted living facility had lost her memory. He sets about learning what a memory IS, then he makes up a basket full of things to help his friend FIND her memory. The story and the pics are absoutely delightful. I'd recommend the book for anyone dealing with alzheimer's.
Families could help to develop the "memory" basket, and church groups like women's clubs or men's clubs could write weekly notes sharing their lives, thoughts, memories of a beautiful sunset, or a favorite line from a sermon.
The other thought I had is to take selfies when a loved one Does visit, print a key picture and tape into the "tomorrow's memories to come" calendar for the next expected visit.
Have you tried music from her youth to destress? Or painting, even if she's never painted before. Try putting on some music, a simple box of watercolors, a container of water, and a pad of watercolor paper. Sit back and see if her breathing calms and her face beams. There is no need to paint a picture of anything. Just the process of putting color to paper is therapeutic.
Being open to the DE-stressors is a key for our elders and also for us.
Get a geriatric psychiatrist involved in her treatment.