Realistically how often are you able to visit your LO @ the NH? It just seems that there are not enough hours in the day as most of us work FT in addition to having kids & other responsibilities. Of course we feel beyond guilty for not getting there every week now and feel it will just get worse with all this stress in the month of December. Lately we've tried to make it a point to visit at least every other week even though the visits are very short and the last one she refused to get out of bed to visit with us saying she just wants to sleep so the nurse suggested we just let her do that. I guess there is more of a vent than anything but thanks for listening :)
P.S. Consider your LO’s state of mind. My mother (97, bedridden, advanced dementia) told me I visit too often which interferes with her parents’ visits. So I’ve shed a bit of the guilt when I miss a week. She often says she’s too tired to chat, having spent yesterday at lunch and a play with her friends, or having just returned from a trip, or having spent the morning shopping. It sounds as if she isn’t bored in my absence.
Also going to drive down and visit on Xmas. Not going to lie it feels awful and I’m the only relative to visit that day . But it’s the right thing to do so I put on a cheerful performance. Afterwards I’ll come back to my Xmas decorated home and have Chinese takeout. Last year it was Chinese takeout and one shot of whisky. Anyhoo this is what I’ve worked out.
I hope the holidays improve for all of us!
Staff is aware of residents that have family visit and one that have no visitors.
If all you can manage is 2 times a month then that is all you can do.
I find it odd that people that may have visited a parent a few times a year all of a sudden find it obligatory that they visit more often once mom or dad is in Memory Care, or a Skilled Nursing Facility.
Visit when you can for however long you can.
If all she wants to do is sleep let her do that, bring a plant or a tray of cookies for the staff (store bought).
(greet the staff when you arrive, say good bye when you leave. )
" holiday" season will put added stress in many forms on everyone, especially folks like yourself; if one allows it. Do not allow the patient ( loved one in facility or at home) nor other people, family, professional staff, workplace nor any other to at any time ( especially seasonal) decide for you what and when and how you will " do" the visits, etc.
Do what feels right for you and your loved one; short visits are equally if not better than long visits. A regular schedule of visit time ( s) that fits your full plate is best.
Your loved one is most likely tired and needs to sleep more . Be sure they have been assessed for emotional needs ( i.e depression).
Otherwise, spend brief quality visits with them, be present to them when you are there ( and not juggling the phone or computer ), tell them you love them and you will be back soon. Be sure that the facility Chaplain or personal pastor is visiting your loved one regularly.
Practice your self care for appropriate physical, emotional, spiritual health( you will need it for the journey ahead).
What is your marital status? Any children or other family who depends on your assistance?
What is your occupation? Does employer require regular full-time or part-time hours? Any required overtime or extended hours? Do you commute or work remotely? If commuting, how many miles from home?
If retired, any volunteering or travel for extended periods? What about hobbies or elective courses, credit or noncredit in your schedules.
Your own health or mental conditions?
I would say visit your LO about once a week, if possible, but it depends on the facility distance away from your place. Can you call your loved one or use another type of remote contact instead of, or in addition to, visitations?
Very important. Patiently listen. After you make succinct and slow questions to them. And one at a time. It takes much longer for older folks and we tend to talk over them, and don't wait for answers. They give up pretty easily after that, and stop trying to converse as much. They still love your presence, but they may just think of it as a loved one's chatter in the room for awhile. Which is beneficial too, just not interactive. Good luck and God bless!!!
Do they have set hours or is it an ‘open door’ policy? If you are working all day it’s harder for you to find time to go.
Where my mom was we could go at any time. Sometimes I went in the morning, other times I went in the afternoon or near dinner.
Do you know how often that your mom would like to see you? We went often but my mom didn’t expect us to be there daily. She understood if we missed a day now and then.
The staff will let her know you were there if she is sleeping. I didn’t wake mom up when she was sleeping.
Just go as often as you can. You don’t have to stay extremely long. Let the staff know that they can call you anytime to keep you informed about how she is.
Do you have siblings that visit her regularly?
Are you able to speak with her on the phone? Sometimes when I was visiting mom, other family members would call my cell and FaceTime with my mom.
How is her health? How old is she? Does she enjoy seeing the G-Kids? Can they go with you twice a month?
Cut the visits short if she doesn't want you there...
Not easy. Hang in there <3
There was a ‘sign in’ book placed near the front door where we entered my mom’s hospice home.
We signed our name and the time of our arrival. They kept records of everyone who visited. They also had cameras in the common areas and the resident’s rooms.
I don’t know if this was related to coronavirus or not. We were required to wear masks when we visited mom. Only two visitors at the time and so on.
My brother was in hospice long before Covid hit and he was in a different hospice facility. I don’t recall having to ‘sign in’ there. Still, the staff always said hello to us as we entered.
No one wants to feel like they're less important than someone else's shopping trip or party.
The only way to alleviate guilt is to set up times to go visit and then stick to that schedule. It doesn't have to be frequently, but once a week should suffice. You'll feel better in the long run.
Don't stay too long.