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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Assuming she will be cared for 24/7 while you are gone, I see no point in bringing up the vacation at all. In my experience the caregiver/s and my mother have a smoother time if I don't tell her about vacations or any other times I'm out of town at all. Telling my mom only causes anxiety and panic and endless pacing.
Do you live with her or she you? Will she wake up and a stranger be in your place? If that is the case I still wouldn’t tell her but I would have the caregiver coming in ahead of time for them to become acquainted. It seems unkind to tell her if it would cause her to stress. Have a nice vacation.
The hardest thing for me to remember is a “caregiver has a lonely life/no collaboration with LO”. When I chat with mom and share too much, she misunderstands and stresses.
SO, a year ago, my husband and I had commitments that took us away from mom for about 5 months. All I told her was that I was working on a project but I would be calling her every day on my break. My mom got used to my calls (I used Alexa Echo Show so I could drop in and she could see me). I have done this since for family visits of 3 weeks and all is good. Mom is content and safe and doesn’t think about me not being away because she doesn’t know. I also have Amazon deliver her underwear, sleep sock, palazzo pants, lotions, shampoo, shoes, Ensure, straws, -pretty much anything she needs. She lives in AL but the service depends on the staffing and the inclination of the individual staff so I got her a private caregiver who works 4 hours a day 1-5 p.m. which works great for her.
Bottom line: absolutely do not tell her you are not nearby. One time mom asked me where I was and I said “in the middle of helping Cliff -my husband”. That worked. I made a joke that helping him means I get to stand and hold things above my head while he looks for the screw driver! She laughs and all is good.
I agree that if she has good care then don’t tell her. We had to tell my MIL because she lived alone, but her worries were all about what if I need something or what if I get sick (she had 5 adult grandkids she could call). So if she’s taken care of and won’t notice you being gone I would not subject her to needless stress.
No. You should not tell her. I don't know how advanced she is in her Alzheimer's if it's early stages or further progressed. I'm assuming that you or someone else has arranged the appropriate caregiving services for her while you are away. Of course if she's in managed care, that's not necessary. Iameli in the comments is right. Your mother stressing herself out and working herself up into hysterics because you won't be right there could be a real possibility. Depending on whether or not she is still high-functioning, a staged "fall" or health "crisis" the day you're supposed to leave for vacation can also be a possibility. So you miss your flight or train or whatever and spend the day in the ER for absolutely nothing. Don't tell her you're going in vacation. Don't even call. Have whoever is taking care of her call you only if there's an emergency.
I don't think I'd discuss in any detail. However, I would get the person who will be taking care of her to start coming in while you leave the house. That will ease her in to having someone else there.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Do you live with her or she you? Will she wake up and a stranger be in your place? If that is the case I still wouldn’t tell her but I would have the caregiver coming in ahead of time for them to become acquainted. It seems unkind to tell her if it would cause her to stress.
Have a nice vacation.
SO, a year ago, my husband and I had commitments that took us away from mom for about 5 months. All I told her was that I was working on a project but I would be calling her every day on my break. My mom got used to my calls (I used Alexa Echo Show so I could drop in and she could see me). I have done this since for family visits of 3 weeks and all is good. Mom is content and safe and doesn’t think about me not being away because she doesn’t know. I also have Amazon deliver her underwear, sleep sock, palazzo pants, lotions, shampoo, shoes, Ensure, straws, -pretty much anything she needs. She lives in AL but the service depends on the staffing and the inclination of the individual staff so I got her a private caregiver who works 4 hours a day 1-5 p.m. which works great for her.
Bottom line: absolutely do not tell her you are not nearby. One time mom asked me where I was and I said “in the middle of helping Cliff -my husband”. That worked. I made a joke that helping him means I get to stand and hold things above my head while he looks for the screw driver! She laughs and all is good.
Enjoy your vacation!!
I'm assuming that you or someone else has arranged the appropriate caregiving services for her while you are away. Of course if she's in managed care, that's not necessary.
Iameli in the comments is right. Your mother stressing herself out and working herself up into hysterics because you won't be right there could be a real possibility.
Depending on whether or not she is still high-functioning, a staged "fall" or health "crisis" the day you're supposed to leave for vacation can also be a possibility. So you miss your flight or train or whatever and spend the day in the ER for absolutely nothing.
Don't tell her you're going in vacation. Don't even call. Have whoever is taking care of her call you only if there's an emergency.
If she lives in a memory care unit - tell the administration where to find you.