Okay, six visits to the emergency rooms in the area in less than two months. Fake vomiting, fake heart attack, fake fall. Refusing in home care, a complete uncooperative senior person who got what she wanted. Nursing home. Now, she tells me, you need to get me out of here. She refuses to participate in activities. She takes all meals in her room. She treats me like I am a stranger. I am her only daughter. She lived in our home, I cooked 3 meals every day, did every task involved in providing a home for her. I am feeling manipulated and mentally and emotionally abused. She is a healthy 85 year old who decided she is done! How do I handle this new development ... "You need to get me out if here"?
if you did bring her back to your house and note i don't say bring her home because she doesnot have one it would not be long before she wanted out again.
She is like the ringmaster at a circus with a whip making the lions jump through flaming hoops.
Stop jumping and show her your fangs.
I think you’re referring to AL because only very ill people go to nursing home, that need professional care and constant attention.
Your mom will continue to look for venues at which to perform. I’d suggest stop being a willing audience and /or her puppet. Take advantage of the advice other posters have given. When she knows you are no longer a willing audience, she’ll stop performing.
In answer to her wanting to come home...."I'm working on it."
Cut your visits and contact with her waaaaay back for a while, give her a chance to adjust. Whatever you do, don't bring her back home.
Yet, here are my 2 cents from my own experience.
It is said: "No good deed goes unpunished." My husband and I took very good care of my Mom to the point that compared to even the best nursing home, our care and attention cannot be matched. Of course she will want to come home, because at the nursing home people will not put up with her 'foibles' as much as you did.
When I read your posting, my first thought was, "Count your blessings!"
We took mom into the nursing home too late, at 96, and it has been hard for her to adjust. We should have done it in the late 80's. There IS a period of adjustment which varies with each resident - from 1 month to 1 year. Be glad she is there and you have part of your life back. Meanwhile, you have to just keep responding to her request in various ways and be at peace in the best way possible within yourself...yes, it is a roller coaster at times.
I have various answers to Mom's request to 'wanting to come home'.
[I am open to other ones which I have not yet thought of. ]
- Mom, I spoke to the doctor this week and he is changing your medicines and needs to see how you respond for a week or so.
- Mom, I am so happy you are here because they care for you so well!
- Mom, I hear you. I will ask the doctor next time that I am there.
- Mom, it's Saturday and the doctor is not here. I will call him on Monday. Okay?
- Mom, remember you told me over and over that when your care got too much, I should find you a good nursing home? Well, I finally listened to you. I looked for 3 months and found the best one around! And you are here! Aren't the gardens beautiful?
- Mom, so many people here want to visit with you. They are so happy you are here! I am so proud of you for making so many new friends. [I say this even if she can't remember people's names!]
- Mom, I understand that you want to come home. Let's go sit outside and talk about that. [by the time we get outside, she is on to another topic.]
- Mom, I miss you too. I love you. But right now you really need medical care that I cannot give you at home because I am not a nurse.
PS:
You said your mom treats you like a stranger. Again, "Count your blessings." Don't visit as often.
“Great question. Let’s ask the doctor.”
"I'll look into that, Mom" is a good phrase to remember
What is your mother's ailment? Does she have dementia?