My sister who has mental health problems (on meds but still drinks) is also very narcissistic. I am not making this up, narcissism is not just behavior it is a biological condition and can be inherited. She is gaining greater and greater control of my mother My sister is trying to have me completely disinherited and banished from the family. Both mother and sister repeat the same things as my sister coaches her. My sister tells in court I have physically and verbally abused my mother. Called her a big fat ugly bitch. My mother says I called her names at one time so therefore I am chronic abuser. Yes, I think my mom has dementia her sister has Lewy's Body. But she passes herself off as perfectly normal and sane in public. But seasonal affective disorder, sundowners. I know I took care of her since 2019 with no thank yous or compensation. But I think my sister at 77 has her own cognitive decline. I think the mental illness and combination of psych meds and alcohol has fried her brain cells. NO I don't call them names. And I certainly have not physically abused my mother either. And I know what abuse is as my brother sexually abused me when I was kid and I had a husband beat me up one night. I left. Neither one of them believe that I have been abused. They just deny it. The brother is still alive but very ill, alcoholic, liver transplant and early dementia. I am the only one left with a fully functioning brain. I having the emotional and legal **** beat out of me.
May you gain wisdom and receive peace in your heart as you escape create a new life for yourself.
No amount of money is worth anything you put up with, leave walk away from them all. They are very unwell. When you can find a way to get yourself some therapy also. You need healing and to find your peace
Best wishes to you! I used to work with an older woman that had a horrible marriage and she planned and even had an apartment fully furnished months before her daughter left for college! She said she would take pieces from her home and no one noticed! He was too busy with his girlfriends! Years later she was in a nursing home and a doctor came in and I left her room! He came out and said she could use your support! After all the years and no sex she had vd's! She was getting treatment! She was very sick and losing her eyesight all due to vd's from him!
I keep on getting tested and have had HPV from him and herpes too just showed up! HPV causes cancer when it comes back and vd's have been found to never leave your body!
Have a great holiday! You deserve it!
Most abuse victims witness and experience abuse from home and then will subconsciously pick abusive partners later in life. The disrespect starts early from the family of origin.
Forget about any inheritance from this brood of dysfunction. No amount of money and fighting is worth losing your life over.
2. You have, you say, a Narcissist mother, an alcoholic brother, a wife beating ex, and a sister who checks ALL the boxes by being mentally ill, narcissistic, AND a drinker.
You wrote us earlier in the month.
I can only repeat my advice given at that time:
"AlvaDeer
Dec 1, 2024
Very much too complicated.
We are not judge and jury. We are a bunch of caregivers.
We are getting your own side in this issue and are not getting the sides of others who are involved.
I am dreadfully sorry for your pain, but I am afraid you are on your own with your own legal system in your own town and in your own state and with your own family.
Best I can do is to wish you luck, and I do that."
My own advice is unchanged.
I would suggest, however, that you consider starting with individual therapy for yourself and considering a move of about 1,000 miles away from all of these people.
That was 47 years ago! The counselor even called him on his lies and he did the repeat the question and the flip it around! Oh, you misunderstood me or that's not what I meant! He said when you live with a habitual liar you can fight about everything or just ignore it because it's exhausting! I did that and I was told recently to start writing everything down when it comes back to me! I am going to start one because I have a full book full of lies and things he has done to build on his lies!
You can have all the therapy in the world both good and bad, but self-esteem and loss of self-worth is very hard to overcome! I wanted to raise my children in a loving, caring environment! I wanted them to have self esteem and to be truthful! My son is just like my husband except he is a much better father that is very involved with his children! His wife decided 4 years into their marriage that they didn't want us in their lives! So that was 17 years ago and was another blow for me!
My daughter is upset that her always resilient mother has been beaten down and is having a hard time getting up! She told me I have been a very bad grandmother! Yes I have been very depressed for the last twenty years and half of the time I could cover it up! After I quit working to retire because I was getting physically sick I went down real fast! I got pneumonia the first week and 2 more times that year!
At my 65th birthday dinner I sat there with a deep, sick feeling! It struck me that I was 65 and I hadn't had sex or even conversations of any kind with my husband in over ten years! On the ride home I started crying and I said to him I sat there thinking that we haven't had sex in at least ten years and you don't even talk to me! Crickets! 8 years later still no sex! He has been to specialists and even had a penile implant all of which I never told anyone! He was told use it or lose it and he lost it! It was the size of a preemie! He was calling the doctor that did the surgery because he was still too small and he was told to get help! They should have sent him there long ago! He was getting shots to get out the banana curve and they told him that he was never going to get back what he lost from non use! He got the surgery from another doctor!
So living with a liar destroys families! I never put him down or called him a liar to others or even to him! I found out by accident that he had never quit smoking which he told his family, but apparently he told his doctors and even Medicare and his health insurance the truth! I pay double premiums for his coverage! He would say people that smoke are ignorant and smelly! His clothes smelled because he was around ignorant smokers! And he hadn't paid the bills and had us in debt that again I found out by accident!
When you live with a liar everything turns into crap! I raised my kids on my own! He didn't care about them and still doesn't! He used me and I let him! Shame on me! He has no shame! He always says "What did I do?" I always tell him it's what you didn't do! You were never a caring, honest husband and father! It was always about you! I tell him that he didn't care about my health, my emotions, he abandoned me sexually and financially! I am the person left holding the bag which is empty!
I am a thousand miles away from everyone! No one cares! No one ever did! I am on my own and I know it!
As I laid in the hospital I realized this is it! You are all by yourself! A lifetime of sadness that I covered up and no one really cares! I always treated everyone the way I wished they would treat me! Too bad it didn't work! Maybe being a bi*** would have been better!
He has an appointment tomorrow with his Psychiatrist and I am considering whether to go in with him ! If I don't he will make up lies about me! He never tells the truth about anything! I am very sick but I am the one that has to take him since he is no longer allowed to drive since he totaled two cars and we got sued! He was not supposed to be driving but his Neurologist didn't say he shouldn't drive! His Geriatric doctor said he would take his license away! He lied to that doctor and told him that he wasn't driving! I would give the front desk a note since the first visit with the doctor his notes said that I took over his appointment! His comments two months before the accident where his wife's note said he is not taking his meds and he is driving! He said both were lies! So who do I believe? I answered those comments on 12/23/23 he just totaled two cars and we are getting sued so I guess you should have been listening to me!
He's accused me of abuse! He jumps out of my car if he gets mad at me! He then says that I tried to run over him! He refuses to be in the same room as me! When I ask him to look at me he turns his back to me! He's loads of fun if you like living with a 75 year old toddler! He can never find anything even when I tell him where to look!
Tomorrow I will go to the office with my walker since I'm not supposed to be walking without one! He totaled my car so I need a step stool to get into the SUV!
I have been sick with Lyme and was even in the hospital! My son-inlaw was concerned by his lack of concern towards me! The first time I went to the hospital I went in an ambulance and they said I had to use a walker! He stopped to get my walker and he said he was very calm and gave it to him and never asked about me! I told him that the day before which was my birthday I got downstairs very slowly because I was so sick! Around nine in the evening I asked him if he knew what day it was and he said it's your birthday bi***he second time my SIL actually took me to the hospital and again my husband showed him how to fold the walker and went inside! He didn't even look at me! My neighbor called when she saw me come home and she said she was worried because he seemed so happy outside walking around that she thought something happened to me! I told her one night that I was so sick I called him to see if anything was going wrong! He said the dogs miss you! I hung up on him! My neighbor said she could cry when she sees him acting so weird!
Our 55th anniversary was this month! I cried the whole day! I asked him if he knew what day it was and he said our anniversary and walked away! He has no feeling at all about me and wishes that I was dead! To be honest I don't know why God would allow such a mean, lying, despicable person to live! I am living with a stranger that I've known but apparently never known for the past 60 years!
I am a survivor too! Things come into my head with things that he has done and lied about and I get that sick feeling! My mother was very abrasive to me and would tell me that I was the mean one! She always put the blame on me! When you have a lifetime of verbal abuse it can be much more damaging! If you don't have bruises who is going to believe you?
I had a boss call me over to his desk! He asked me "I always wonder who knocked down your self esteem!" I said that's easy my mother and then my husband! I've never been what my mother wanted even though I was the best morally and supported her with her problems! Then I married a person that used my low self esteem to take advantage of me!
Your mother is 98. What changes are you hoping to see from her at this point?? Your sister is 77 with more issues than Newseek. You will either get an inheritance or you won't. If it were me, I'd remove myself from the 3 ring circus entirely and go on with YOUR life, learning what NOT to do by their mistakes.
Since you haven't asked a question, I'll leave it at that and wish you the best of luck.
It's time for you to let it go. Your family is elderly and the lot of you are still bickering to the point where you had to take it into court to bicker about your mother being called names a some point?
Grow up. You don't have to have a relationship with your siblings and probably shouldn't. In fact, have no communication with them at all. Let your lawyer do all the talking for you. Chances are, you're probably not getting any inheritance. It's not even worth it.