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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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He walks out of doors and doesn't know where he is. We have tried baby gates, bells. We will be moving to a new apartment. He doesn't recognize where he is now, I'm not sure what to do when we move.
In regard to being more confused with a move, when it came time for my two friends to go to memory care, I had found one with a one bedroom apartment available. My friends spent almost all their time in their den or bedroom and the day of the move, another friend took them out for breakfast and then to have their nails done. While that happened, we moved their den, bedroom, and kitchen furniture to their new apartment and set everything up so it was the same as home. When they arrived at their new place, the husband saw his favorite recliner and couch, table and lamp, tv and shelves arranged just like home. He sat in his recliner with a sigh too relief and has been happy ever since, not once mentioning going home or asking about their town house. There were differences, of course. His dresser is in the closet and the closet is different from home. But nothing was ever mentioned about the change. He has short term memory issues and probably can't tell the difference. It's a short walk to the memory care dinning area and they found it easily. They made new friends, had new activities, were always with people and could talk and interact. Their lives were much better than when isolated in their townhome, and they got the urgent care the wife required. I visit the husband once a week and he always assures me he is happy and grateful to be there. I pay attention to the care, and they don't miss a thing. It has worked out wonderfully well. I wish the same for you!
I installed wireless exit alarms on the doors. It sends a signal to the central unit and a pager that I wear all of the time. The system also has available a wireless door mat that can be used separately or in conjunction with the door alarms. The mats could also be used bedside but will sound any time of the day or night.
My husband had a similar condition and depended on nurse call systems ( www.fire-monitoring.com/other-services/nurse-call/ ) . The system provides RFID for wandering patients. This system reduces the need for nursing staff to continuously supervise ‘at-risk’ patients suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or mental health issues.
Can I suggest a little temporary aid, while you are sorting it all out?
Print off a few names, addresses and small explanation. Make them postcard size. For example: My name is Bob Smith I live at 111 House, City, Etc. Please phone 11111111 if you find me walking alone. (someone will come and pick me up) I forget a things. Thank you so much.
Laminate them and pin them(or sew) onto his clothes - at the back (he might pull them off from the front.)
By chance CTV news had something on this in recent days - there are watches & even insoles to go in shoes that are connected to an app that lets you find any wanderer in case they get out - it would be good to research what is out here now
Instead of using double cylinder deadbolts, you can get locks with keypads on them. No key needed. Just enter the number and you can open the lock. If someone can't remember the number, then they probably shouldn't be opening the door.
After mom wandered out one night, we had to change the game plan. Installed double keyed deadbolt locks. ( we were with her 24/7). Each sibling or caregiver wore a wrist keychain or lanyard at all times in case of an emergency and we had to exit quickly. We also got an entry monitor and set it up near her bed so as soon as her feet hit the floor at night they would cross the “beam” and alarm will sound, and purchased the bed alarm pad and was alerted as soon as shoulders came up off pad. She would wander within the house at night and get into stuff. Thankfully that phase eventually passed. She spent the last 2 months in a skilled facility, and passed away 8 days ago. Now she is free and can wander all she wants in heaven. It was a “long goodbye” as dementia is described, but I don’t regret one minute of being her caregiver.
janpatsy1....it isn't easy...I know. But, for what it's worth,...we moved my Mom to an Assisted Living facility 4 1/2 years ago. She is at the stage now in her dementia where she is wandering outside her apartment. When she's in her apartment with all her furniture she still wants to go home to her old flat where she lived years and years ago with her husband and two kids. So while your husband may be happy with his surroundings especially with you there, and your furniture etc., he may still want to go back to his former home.....and take off and wander. But, every case is different, and maybe, as long as you are there to calm and redirect him, (an enormous job), he may be okay. Stay strong.
janpatsy1: There comes a time when you can no longer take care of your LO's needs at home. Others on here have suggested Memory Care and you will want to consider it.
Jan, Jeanne's answer is excellent. She knows first hand and was able to have her husband home with her until he passed. Jeanne has many excellent suggestions and she is very creative on decorating cakes too. 😉
Janpatsy, if the wandering is the primary challenging behavior at this point, I think I would try all the suggestions about preventing wandering. This is your husband, and assuming it has been a rewarding relationship, you most likely want him home (if you can handle it).
Try prevention -- a bolt lock high on the door, an obstacle in front of the door, etc. Try alerting you when the door opens -- a motion detector, bells, etc. Try quick recovery measures -- register with the police, gps chips, an ID bracelet with your phone #, etc.
This is a serious problem and has had lots and lots written about it. In addition to the suggestions given to you here, Google dementia wandering for additional ideas.
There may come a time (or it may already be here) that you simply cannot keep him safe. None of your attempts to resolve this problem works. And/or the time may come when this is just one of several very challenging dementia behaviors and you cannot handle them all. The kindest, most loving thing to do at that point is to place him in a secure environment that can keep him safe and handle his behaviors. Visit him daily. Advocate for him. Never abandon him! But move the location of your caring for him.
See how it goes in your new apartment. Try the prevention measures that are practical for you. If necessary, be open to placing your dear husband in a secure environment.
This is a hideous disease for loved ones, as well as the person who has it! Hugs to you. Keep in touch here. Many of us can relate to your situation.
What they do in a lot of memory care facilities is wall paper the door with a book case filled with books. Then they don’t know it’s a door and think it’s a book case. It’s worth a try!
When my friend for whom I am POA started to wander, I had an agency provide 24 hour staffing to begin with. One person would come and spend 5-6 days there continuously and then trade off with another one. They would take the key out of the safety lock so my friend couldn't get out at night. So a lock like that where you have the key would help. 24 hour staffing was very expensive and I was able to convince her husband that it was time for them to go to the memory care apartment I had found for them. It worked out really well, but was also expensive. They had enough cash to pay for many months and the husband now lives there alone after his wife passed. He is happy there and well looked after. He misses his wife, of course, but is grateful for the many years they had together. I am grateful I found such a place that really pays attention to the people living there, watching over them carefully as they continue to lose mental capacity. A doctor visits my friend once a month now to check on things (covered by his health insurance policy) and will add a medication that might help as his condition changes. He is physically healthy at age 91 and plans to live to 100. He tells me my job is to live as long as he does so I can see to this care. And I am trying to do that. We've been friends since the 1970s and I tell him when it is time for the dentist or eye doctor that these outings are a good excuse for us to be together and not a burden on me.
My cousin put deadbolts that needed a key from the inside to open. I think there was a fire regulation against them but someone was with my Uncle at all times. Once my Uncle passed, the locks were changed. I have the round knobs sovI got baby saftey covers. When a person trys to use the door the baby cover just goes around and around.
He needs someone there 24/7. I also put up high locks that mom could not operate and door alarms. I had to be careful not to do anything that made her upset or she would just walk off. I have a friend who put a mirror on the inside of the door. It confused his wife enough she would turn around and not even attempt to open the door. You might try that :-)
My mom forgot how to walk so the wandering became a non issue... Came with bad and good. Much luck to you
I think there comes a time when we have to put them somewhere they will be safe. It gets to a point where we just can't take care of them anymore. It's heartbreaking, and very hard to do. But we have no choice.
Jan, in the mean time try this.... I read that if you place a black throw rug in front of the doors that lead outside that someone with dementia might view that rug as a dark hole, and will be afraid to step on it. Sorry, I never needed to try this, so I am not sure how well it would work.
I haven't had to deal with this yet, Thank God, but I have already told all my neighbors that if they see my Ray out by himself, call me and better still, bring him home if you can.
At present, I bar the door with a heavy cement rebar when I am sleeping or bathing.
I agree with those above about this. When my LO began to wander, her doctor prescribed Secure Memory Care. One caretaker's around the clock efforts often are not sufficient, as you would have to be awake 24/7. The trouble with locator devices is that they don't prevent wandering to start with and don't prevent the person from walking into traffic, getting in the car with a stranger, falling off a bridge, etc. And there's no way to ensure that a dementia patient will keep a locator device on their person. So, constant supervision is the only option. I am not aware of any way to make the patient stop wandering. It could continue for as long as he is able to walk and even if they are in a wheelchair. Once they start though, you have to assume that it will continue for their own safety.
I agree with Windy. 24/7 supervision is needed. The move will be very hard on him, he won't have a clue where he is and will want to go home.
When they get to this point they need to be kept safe, that is usually in memory care. Trying to care for our loved ones at home when they have reach this point in their disease is very difficult and for many impossible. It is so heartbreaking to see on the news nearly weekly now about demented seniors have wandered and gone missing. Most of the time they are found, but have died. They need to be kept safe.
Where I live the County Mental Health Board has a program called CellTrak. The person is fitted with a watch type device that contains a RFID chip. The person is registered and if they wander you contact the police and they show up with a "command post", they have all the info on the person, photo, description and an officer will go out in a car that has an antenna that will pick up the frequency from the chip. The cost on this in minimal since it is through the county. There are other devices like a tag that you would put on your dogs collar. You can set up a specific range and if the tag goes beyond the preset range you will be alerted on your phone. (you do need a "smart phone") I am sure there are other devices some may carry a monthly fee for the service, much like the medical alert units. Contact the local police. first I am sure they would want to know if your loved one may wander and they will respond faster. Second they may be aware of a local program that is in your area.
Windyridge gives good advice. You may think it’s easy for us to just say “put him in a facility”, but most of us on this site have been there. I had to do it with my mom and will soon be facing doing it with my husband. Even when in a facility, my mom tried to escape. She’d cut off her ankle monitors. But, there was an entire staff of people, exit doors with alarms and many other precautions to keep her safe.
If a facility isn’t possible, consider contacting your local Agency on Aging to ask for suggestions. You might also consider an organization who retrofits homes for Autistic people who wander. A lot of their equipment is without charge.
At this point he needs 24 hour supervision, either at home or in a memory care facility. I just went through this with my dad as his dementia accelerated. I stayed with him for about 4 days at home. It was exhausting trying to keep him out of trouble. He went into care about a month ago.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
While that happened, we moved their den, bedroom, and kitchen furniture to their new apartment and set everything up so it was the same as home. When they arrived at their new place, the husband saw his favorite recliner and couch, table and lamp, tv and shelves arranged just like home. He sat in his recliner with a sigh too relief and has been happy ever since, not once mentioning going home or asking about their town house. There were differences, of course. His dresser is in the closet and the closet is different from home. But nothing was ever mentioned about the change. He has short term memory issues and probably can't tell the difference. It's a short walk to the memory care dinning area and they found it easily. They made new friends, had new activities, were always with people and could talk and interact. Their lives were much better than when isolated in their townhome, and they got the urgent care the wife required. I visit the husband once a week and he always assures me he is happy and grateful to be there. I pay attention to the care, and they don't miss a thing. It has worked out wonderfully well. I wish the same for you!
Print off a few names, addresses and small explanation. Make them postcard size. For example: My name is Bob Smith
I live at 111 House, City, Etc.
Please phone 11111111 if you find me walking alone. (someone will come and pick me up)
I forget a things.
Thank you so much.
Laminate them and pin them(or sew) onto his clothes - at the back (he might pull them off from the front.)
Jan, Jeanne's answer is excellent. She knows first hand and was able to have her husband home with her until he passed. Jeanne has many excellent suggestions and she is very creative on decorating cakes too. 😉
Try prevention -- a bolt lock high on the door, an obstacle in front of the door, etc. Try alerting you when the door opens -- a motion detector, bells, etc. Try quick recovery measures -- register with the police, gps chips, an ID bracelet with your phone #, etc.
This is a serious problem and has had lots and lots written about it. In addition to the suggestions given to you here, Google dementia wandering for additional ideas.
There may come a time (or it may already be here) that you simply cannot keep him safe. None of your attempts to resolve this problem works. And/or the time may come when this is just one of several very challenging dementia behaviors and you cannot handle them all. The kindest, most loving thing to do at that point is to place him in a secure environment that can keep him safe and handle his behaviors. Visit him daily. Advocate for him. Never abandon him! But move the location of your caring for him.
See how it goes in your new apartment. Try the prevention measures that are practical for you. If necessary, be open to placing your dear husband in a secure environment.
This is a hideous disease for loved ones, as well as the person who has it! Hugs to you. Keep in touch here. Many of us can relate to your situation.
I have a friend who put a mirror on the inside of the door. It confused his wife enough she would turn around and not even attempt to open the door. You might try that :-)
My mom forgot how to walk so the wandering became a non issue... Came with bad and good.
Much luck to you
At present, I bar the door with a heavy cement rebar when I am sleeping or bathing.
When they get to this point they need to be kept safe, that is usually in memory care. Trying to care for our loved ones at home when they have reach this point in their disease is very difficult and for many impossible. It is so heartbreaking to see on the news nearly weekly now about demented seniors have wandered and gone missing. Most of the time they are found, but have died. They need to be kept safe.
There are other devices like a tag that you would put on your dogs collar. You can set up a specific range and if the tag goes beyond the preset range you will be alerted on your phone. (you do need a "smart phone")
I am sure there are other devices some may carry a monthly fee for the service, much like the medical alert units.
Contact the local police. first I am sure they would want to know if your loved one may wander and they will respond faster. Second they may be aware of a local program that is in your area.
If a facility isn’t possible, consider contacting your local Agency on Aging to ask for suggestions. You might also consider an organization who retrofits homes for Autistic people who wander. A lot of their equipment is without charge.