She has dementia and is non communicative. Bedridden for last year and has been cared for by 2 home aides at her home for several years. Nursing home says perhaps she needs to adjust to new place and give it a few more days. Family doesn’t want feeding tube placed. What are his options?
Why keep a person this old who is bedridden and in a nursing home alive?
He should let her go to her peace.
And no to any feeding tubes they are horribly uncomfortable for older people.
I would advise you to advise your friend, that it's time for hospice.
And how amazing it is that she lived to 97.
Why would anyone want her to continue as she is? She's ready to leave this world for the next and the kindest thing your friend can do is to let her do just that.
Please bring hospice on board TODAY! Yes you can call them on Sundays as they are available 24/7.
I am PoA for my Aunt, who is 105, with a very good mind/memory and no health issues. Family always comments that she can live another 5 or 10 years to which she emphatically says, "I better NOT!"
My DH aunt, 97 has been in the NH for 2 yrs on hospice and has lost 30 lbs.
But she has never gone 4 days without eating or drinking. I would call hospice.
(1) Plan visits around mealtimes and bring meals to eat together. Some times it is a matter of applying a little positive social “peer pressure.”
(2) Accommodate favorite foods. Luckily for my MIL, it’s fairly healthy with roasted sweet potatoes seasoned w olive oil, rosemary, and cracked pepper. She also loves cherry tomatoes, and now bing cherries and grapes as they are in season. But favorite foods can be used to entice the appetite.
(3) Serve Ensure (meal replacement) for dessert. That way, even if there aren’t enough calories ingested with the meal, she is able to get some sustenance calories. She likes the strawberry, but my own mother loved the chocolate.
Luckily, with the dementia, she has forgotten why she was mad and moved along to enjoy meals again BUT it IS nerve-wracking when these episodes occur. She has gone many days until her skin is pallid, her lips blue, and her skin “stands up” like mountain peaks when gently pinched (due to dehydration). But always a relief when she starts to eat again.
Re feeding tubes - There is research that shows that they do not prolong life and introduce infection risk. I concur that taking that route should be avoided.
Readjusting to a new life especially at an old age must be traumatic
I woujd say speak to her doctor and in the meantime try and spend as much time as possible with her to help her adjust
maybe vitamin drinks ?
If he’s HCPOA he can make those decisions on her behalf.
Bless her heart.
She's gone from being in her home with two caregivers to being in a nursing home. Sleeping on a foreign bed, being around unfamiliar and ever-changing staff, being presented with different food, probably being left unattended and unspoken to for long periods of time. And if she is bedridden, is she being turned regularly?
My mother is also 97, with dementia and almost blind now. If I were to put her into a nursing home and expect her to "adjust" at this point, I would be lying to myself.
to the new setting / circumstance.
Likely she is disoriented. Bring familiar items to hold, ask for lite snacks or what you might bring. Some foods make you salivate. Maybe try rubbing an ice cube made from her favorite
fruit juice on her lips.
Mostly it’s a big adjustment. You’ll know in time.
Accept reality. That his 97yr old Mother has very advanced dementa. Being bedbound & non-communicative is close to the very end. No longer eating & drinking begins the end stage.
The brain can no longer control the muscles to walk, the muscles weaken. The brain can no longer control speech, so speech ends. The brian can no longer coordinate swallowing plus the digestive system starts to slow & fail. This is how it is at the end.
A very very slowing of life
The friend can accept this, visit, hold her hand, play music, talk, say goodbye. Be grateful she was granted such a long life.
The only other choice is what? Wish for a miracle?