I have frequented this forum for the past few months, it’s helped me so much. I would greatly appreciate any advice you may have.
My grandmother has recently become unable to walk on her own after her most recent fall, which resulted in a small subdural hematoma. Thankfully, it was small enough that surgery was unnecessary. It’s been about a month since then and she no longer remembers falling or the hospital stay. She believes she can walk on her own, but she has become physically weaker, dizzy as she stands up, and more unsteady on her feet. It’s unsafe to walk with her into the bathroom because her knee gives out on her sometimes. She needs a complete knee replacement but her doctors discourage this due to her Alzheimer's, because she won’t have the resilience to recover and undergo physical therapy (we have attempted home PT twice before to build her strength).
When she needs to go to the bathroom in the living room, we have the potty chair right next to her. I monitor her with a camera any time we are not in the same room, so I’m there before she can stand and walk. She has become more adamant about not using the potty chair during the past week. She doesn’t believe us when we say she can’t walk on her own and that it’s not safe anymore. She argues, yells, and stands up to try and walk past me. She will stand next to the potty chair and argue until she gets unsteady and must sit down. It breaks my heart because I know she’s unhappy. She gets so angry and looks at me like she hates me sometimes. I feel guilty about it because I get frustrated when this happens every single time she needs to use the bathroom. I try not to argue with her because I’m afraid of being disrespectful towards her but her safety comes FIRST. I know she doesn’t know what she’s saying and doesn’t understand or remember our reasoning. Today, she attempted to push me out of the way and slapped my hand away when I tried to hold her arm because she was unsteady. She fell back in her recliner and she was fine, but this is the first time she’s ever done something like this.
If anyone has any advice about how we can make things easier, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
I think it is time for you to reclaim your own life; grandmother has had hers. This is not going to get better, but only worse. Whether now, or when something like an accident forces this move, it does sound as though it's on its way. I am so very sorry. I wish you both the best. You are clearly very dedicated to her and she has been so lucky to have you during this transition.
My Aunt with advanced dementia was the same. We had an motion alarm on her when in her recliner but sometimes we barely got there in time. She fell 3 times, in the presence of family caregivers, breaking bones 2 of the 3 times. Then one night she escaped her bed and attempted to walk, fell and broke her hip. She passed away in rehab (where she continued to try to get out of bed and climb out the window).
As long as your Grandma can't remember that she cannot walk, she is in danger. You will need to wait for an event that causes her to never be able to stand on her own again. Then it become easier and safer to help her (assuming she isn't a larger person who requires 2 people to lift her).
May you receive wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey.