We found a home with sufficient space for her that would be comfortable, essentially a mother-in-law suite. Do I bring her now or plan it after our move planning on coming back to the area to pick her up? It's difficult for my partner to take on the financial burden. She does have Social Security and Medicaid but the move is happening fast and I won't have a job once this takes place. Any thoughts, suggestions are helpful incredibly helpful. This has happened so fast. I'm an only child, she has no money -- and frankly, neither do I until I find work. Thank you.
She is more than happy to contribute. We are moving from the West Coast/ LA to the Midwest. Chicago -- more than a thousand miles away. And, yes, she does live alone. I call her weekly and then, see her about every two weeks. I will not stop calling -- but, the visits will until -- I can get her out to the area. I do not want my partner to feel burden by my mom. I'm happy that he is willing to allow her to live with us.
Again, I'm an only child. And there is no other family left and she doesn't really have friends. She does have a caregiver.
I could wait and just tell her that until I can make the money to move her, she is going to have to sit tight. Is that the recommendation? Any and all help is really welcome. I'm feeling overwhelmed by this decision.
Thank you!
So much is unclear. Your mother lives alone but has a caregiver. How old is she? What are her disabilities? Why is she in need of a caregiver? Is she asking to go with you?
You say that you only visit every two weeks, so I suppose she either gets lots of help from the caregiver or doesn’t need much. What does her caregiver think? If you were to move without her until you get established, would you be able to organize her care long-distance?
What has happened so fast? The decision to move, or the relationship? Please give us a little more information.
My partner of six years was offered a job that he -- we couldn't refuse. He had been looking for so long. It's an incredible opportunity. Even if we stayed in LA, the money he will be making is still an amazing compensation anywhere.
My mom is diabetic and has some kidney issues. We aren't sure what's easier either....a plane, or driving her there when the time comes.
Thank you.
your mom’s Medi-cal will not transfer to Illinois. Medicaid isn’t transferable and Medi-cal can’t be used outside the state, so your mom will have to apply for Illinois Medicaid which shouldn’t be a problem.
My opinion on this is to move her after you’ve settled in and found employment (assuming you plan to go to work). The last thing you should do is further the burden by moving her when there are financial burdens.
It gives me sometime to find a position.
Although, the feelings that I have over this make me feel very guilty and ungrateful.
How do I manage them?
Thank you all.
Thank you for the update. Since your mother is doing well on her own with caregiver support, I think the decision you have made to leave her where she is for now is a good one. This would give you time to focus on your own job hunt, and once obtained you would feel better about bringing your mother into the picture.
Does she own a house you would have to sell? I understand that you found a house with a mother-in-law suite, so your plan is to move her in. She would no longer be living separately as she is now?
Such an exciting experience! Moving across the country and starting anew! This can work! As to the guilt and feeling ungrateful, that comes with the territory of caring for someone who is becoming increasingly dependent on us. You are a very important part of this equation and your desires have value too. You are not abandoning her. Life will just be different for awhile. It is a transition for all involved. Planning must be done, but luckily, we only have to live with the uncertainty and flux one day at a time.
For her sake, (and yours), increase the phone calls during the time of separation, making sure that you talk to the caregivers also. Facetime is a wonderful tool! It does not take the place of an actual visit, but can mitigate the feelings of separation. I pray all will go well for everyone.
The entire reason I moved to California was to be closer to my mother. My partner's job opportunity was so unplanned. Grateful for it but just threw all of us for a loop. It hasn't even been a full two-weeks yet.
I need to say thank you to everyone for your responses. It has helped tremendously in making intelligent decisions.
My mom will be with us for the holidays!
You really do need to get yourself settled and established before you can even think about whether to offer full-time support to your mother. But that's okay, that doesn't mean it'll never happen, that you're subconsciously planning to head for the hills and abandon her! It's just sensible. Once you're there, know the lie of the land, and know where your next pay check is coming from you will be *far* better placed to organise either relocation for your mother, or alternative support for her where she is.
Have you discussed any of this with her at all?
Thank you!
Is it possible to place her in respite while the move is taking place? (If someone can not be there every day) Your move may stress her more than you realize.
Get everything set up before you bring her to her new home.
Find a good support group in your new area. This forum is great but you should have another.
If she has Social Security you can use that money to help with her moving costs and you can also use it to pay for her portion of rent or mortgage as well as other living expenses. Just make sure you keep a record of everything.
Until you have caregivers set up you should probably not look for a job as caring for mom will be a full time job. (you can also "charge" her for your care-giving)
Begin the Medicaid process now if possible. If you have been working with a Social Worker or Case Worker contact them and see what insights they may have.
(If you do place her in respite the social worker there might also have information that will help)
Welcome to the Chicago Area! (northwest suburbs here!)
I sure hope you enjoy our Deep Dish Pizza and Chicago Italian Beef they are well worth the move!