The second on the list doesn't want the job either. The principal is paranoid, delusional and I feel unsafe. My mother was diagnosed with dementia NOS and paranoia 14 months ago. She still lives independently though I don't know for how much longer. I live a plane ride away. I have made 6 trips to see to her affairs in that time. I have been doing everything I can to help her with doctors, banking and legal matters. The last 8 months and even worse the last 2 months she has falsely accused me of many things but, she went to the police a week ago to say I was defrauding her. They found no such evidence because she is just exhibiting symptoms of her disease but, it is just the last in a long line of worsening allegations and I can't do this anymore. It's affecting my health and my well being. She got my friend who is an NP investigated for HIPPA violations but of course there was none. (Just baseless accusations from an impaired person.) My husband is listed as the back up POA and clearly he doesn't want it either. So what happens next? I can't take it anymore. Is there a state agency in Massachusetts that helps in these situations? I haven't found an attorney that wants to take over but, I am done.
What would otherwise be very simple (a letter to the person who conferred POA upon you) is complicated by the fact you indicate there is now a diagnosis of some dementia, even though this person is living alone.
No one can be forced to serve as a POA but state laws differ. You need to see an Elder Law attorney and have that attorney explain the law according to your State. This may be a simple letter of resignation. BUT because there is question of incompetence here at this time you may not be able to abandon your mother without care or replacement. In some States you will have to appear before the court to resign and will relinquish thereafter all control over Mom, her placement, her finances and assets and their management.
Since you did take on this job initially you will have to notify all entities you have dealt with as POA that you are resigning as same.
A social worker may be assigned to assess your Mom and her needs and the State may or may not assume guardianship for her.
Rest assured. NO ONE must act as guardian, conservator or POA for anyone else. I said, the complications in your own case is that you DID agree to, so must now resign, and that you are resigning on a senior with questionable mentation, who may need a guardian appointed by the state.
I don't understand what you mean by an attorney to "take over." No attorney takes over. An attorney is what you need to resign your position according to the laws of your state.
Good luck and hope you will update us.
Me again!
Another article for you, Drekom. I am very concerned that two attorneys told you that you cannot resign and must get an attorney to take over for you.
You cannot, as a POA get any attorney to take over for you, though you can HIRE one to help, or hire a Licensed Fiduciary, say to take over bill paying, accounting, and etc. As POA you cannot appoint another POA even if it is an attorney.
Somewhere, somehow, someone is misunderstanding your needs if TWO attorneys told you that you cannot resign without getting another attorney to take over.
No one can be forced to do POA. Your complication lies in the fact that the principal who assigned you may already be incompetent to understand a letter of resignation.
I guess you are down to asking attorney number three but be clear. None of this nebulous "This is too hard for me" as it sounds like you are asking for help. You need to say "I can no longer serve as POA for this incompetent adult, nor can my husband who is the second named. We need to resign. It matters not whether state or anyone else takes over; we cannot continue to serve (say it is due to health reasons; don't specify mental health). Tell them you need to know how to resign in your specific state and who you need to notify.
If another attorney says "No, you can't resign. You have to get another attorney to do this" tell them you are not looking for help, but you MUST RESIGN.
Your resignation letter should be notarized. It should be sent to the principle and to all entities (banks, stock companies, phone companies, whomever) you dealt with as POA for your Mom.
Good luck. Hope you will update us, as I cannot imagine the advice you got.
Look on the internet for specifics. I don't know what state you are in and I can't do that. You can find out what the law is for your own state.
Are the two attorneys who advised you with a large firm, medium sized firm, small firm or single practitioners? This could make a big difference. Large firms might take over if the assets in the individual's portfolio justify it, including less time for clients with needs closer to the firm's goals. Smaller firms with smaller practices might be more willing, as they don't have the revenue levels of large firms which can afford to pick and choose their clients.
I suggest when you see a doctor, and it should be a neurologist, that you ask for a medication to help with the paranoia. You will be told u cannot force her into a facility but there r ways to get around that. Two women I know have been sharing a house for years. The older has a Dementia and refused any help. The paranoia was out there. They had POA for each other. So the other woman talked to a local AL/MC facility and the Administrator helped her to get her friend into the MC unit and get the help she needed.
You Mom has a Dementia and cannot control what she thinks or says. Its all part of the desease. Once you get her placed, all you need to do is pay her bills and make sure she has what she needs. You visit when u want. Same with LTC. The difference is they supply her toiletries and Depends. No worry about bed linens or towels. Just her clothes. Visit when u feel like it. Really, it will be so much better when u place her.