I've cared for mom and dad with zero help from 5 other brothers. Dad passed and mom's hospice is discussing options with another brother and doesn't communicate with me. I haven't been revoked, but hospice is talking health care with my brother! Hospice wants to send mother to an estranged brother's home for a test run! The will was written n 2011 before unified POA, and has zero verbiage of competency. No lawyer is willing to help. I have zero rights even though I admitted her and have to clean up if anything happens to her until she authorizes another POA.
Unified Power of Attorney Act
"In pursuit of standardized laws across the U.S., numerous states have enacted the Uniform Power of Attorney Act (UPOAA) in order to allow Americans to anticipate that their power of attorney agreement will be upheld if they move to another location. Traditionally, powers of attorney are governed by state law and have significant differences from one locale to another."
Source: https://www.lawdistrict.com/articles/uniform-power-of-attorney-act-upoaa
Can you clarify how you believe this law impacts your situatiion with your Mother?
I don't think hospice workers get to decide if someone is "competent' if a PoA is presented and meets the criteria for activation. If there's no legitimate PoA or guardianship in play, then they can assume their patient is cognitively competent unless incompetent behavior becomes a concern. At that point, without a PoA or guardian, the patient would be referred to social services to begin to pursue legal authority (guardianship).
If you have the PoA document with "zero verbiage of competency" then maybe it is a Durable PoA. It seems possible that a new PoA was created by your Mom at a later date, assigning your brother. If this is the case, he is under no obligation to prove it/show it to you. Therefore, you should consider taking your document to an elder law attorney who will send a letter to your brother demanding proof of his PoA or else to prove it in front of a judge in court. This letter may get him to disclose whether he has it or not. The rules about PoA vary by state, including disclosure.
In my opinion there is nothing so distressing to an elder as having their siblings at war over their still warm body. I have no sympathy with such a thing. Do all you can to get along; if you cannot, then step away.
AMEN to that statement. We read SO MANY posts here about 'my hateful useless siblings' that it's unbelievable. When is the PARENT taken into consideration in these wars where one sibling is ALWAYS "right" while all the rest of them are liars and thieves? Sad.
Thank you.
Have you shown the written POA to the Hospice Nurse? A letter from Moms Dr saying she was not competent to make decisions even prior to Hospice being called in. I think they are overstepping. You are POA and that is the only one they should be dealing with. It cannot be revoked because Mom has to do that and she is not competent to do it. She assigned you for a reason. You may need to look for another Hospice who honors your POA. If you hired this one, you can fire them.
Or allow her to go to brothers for a test run and he will find out that Hospice does nothing when it comes to 24/7 care in a private home. He will be responsible to clean Mom up, feed her, change her bed etc. Or he will need to hire someone to do it. If he has a wife I would definitely tell her what she is in for.
You need to stand up to this Nurse or the director. You ARE Moms POA. It has never been questioned until now. You think they are overstepping. They talk to you and only you. Your siblings have chosen not to be involved for years. They have no right to be involved when she is on her deathbed. Make sure you have another Hospice lined up because then you say "if you are not willing to honor my POA, I will fire you" Hospice is a money maker and last thing they want to do is lose a client.
I would wonder why they want to move a person from I would guess her own home to another for a test run? What are they saying is wrong with where she is? You know you don't have to allow this to happen. Fire them.
Your post is confusing to me. What sort of a 'test run' is required to be on hospice? If mom, with dementia and all the rest of her health issues, was living ALONE prior to now, no wonder hospice is forcing her to move in with someone, as she certainly cannot live alone!
How is it you 'admitted her' into a program that won't accept your power in the first place?
If you have notarized forms showing you to be the POA for your mother, hospice or any other organization cannot ignore it. It's in black and white. If you do not have that document, then it's you saying you're POA with nothing to back it up. Since you say 'until she authorizes another POA', it sounds to me as if you DO NOT have POA in force at all. Meaning your hands are tied moving forward.
Hope everything works out!
If brother has produced a MPOA that outdates yours , then he is the MPOA. And true, you then have zero rights.
You complain that your brothers have not helped up until this point. It appears that one of them is stepping up to care for mom.
That seems like a win/win to me, yes?
You get your life back; move, get a job and repair the damage that caregiving alone ALWAYS does.
If brother doesn't have a clue and is overwhelmed after a week, then it's not your problem is it?
Inform your family, in writing, that you are resigning your POA and that you wish them all well. If you can find the lawyer who prepared these documents, send her/him the resignation as well.
Where does your mom wish to live? Has there been too much togetherness between you and your mom. It happens and maybe your mom would like to try to live with your brother.
Have any of you thought about avoiding having a sibling rivalry and placing mom in a facility where all of you can visit as her children instead of caregivers?
I am not judging you. Many of us have had issues with siblings, sometimes to the point of wishing that we were only children.
For everyone’s sake and especially your mother’s, try to resolve the issues with your siblings. I realize that this isn’t always possible and it is truly sad when harmony doesn’t exist in a family.
Do not neglect your own needs. A burned out caregiver is of no use to anyone.
Best wishes to you and your family.