So three years ago I moved into my mom's house to help take care of her. She was still in decent health at the time, but she had had a few falls and my dad had recently gone into long-term care, so everyone felt that it would be best if she wasn't living alone. I had lost my full-time job, so this would help me out too. Now, for a few months, my mom has been in long-term care. She is now declining and is probably getting ready to go in hospice.
All this time, my sister and her son have been coming over to mow the lawn and getting paid to do so, but my sister has anger issues and she's forever blowing up over the least little thing. Tonight was no exception and I've about had it. I was talking to my brother on messenger and told him that I may hire someone to come and do the lawn instead of having to deal with that constantly. He told me that it wasn't my choice alone of who came and mowed the lawn, but as the only one of them that resides at this address and has for 3 years, I'm pretty sure it is my right to make that decision. I also have the right not to be verbally harassed once a week when she comes over.
I know things are going to be ugly after my mom passes. My dad passed away in February, so it would go to us siblings. But in the meantime, I am the one living here. Do I not get some say about who mows the lawn? I am taking care of the rest of the house as well as I can, even though I don't have much income. But none of them are chipping in to help on anything financially.
Is your mom's the only name on the title? If not, who else is?
Has your mom assigned a PoA? If so, who is that person? Is the PoA springing or durable?
Does your mom have a diagnosis of cognitive/memory impairment in her medical records? This matters depending on if she has a springing PoA. Even if she is onlyy physically incapacitated, the PoA would need proof of her incapacity.
Even if your mom is ill, as long as she is in her right mind and able to communicate her wishes, she legally gets to call the shots at her house, regardless of the fact that she's not there.
You are a legal resident (tenant) in the house but if you're not an owner of the house, you don't get to make this lawn care decision. The payment for the lawn care should be coming out of your mom's savings.
Maybe you can have your brother be the go-between in terms of getting her the payment and you just don't interact with them at all when they're there to mow? I don't have a better suggestion, but for your mom's sake the family in-fighting needs to be kept at a minimum so that her final days on earth are not marred by drama.
Know that once Mom dies, all bets are off, and you're no longer a tenant of hers but rather of yourself and your siblings.
I agree with the Geaton -- if Mom's cognitive abilities are still intact, you may want to draft an agreement with her regarding your tenancy and who takes care of the yard and have her sign it. Rent could be market rate or $1 a month or anything in between -- whatever she decides -- but you should be paying something. It should have been done when she was moving out of the house, but better late than never.
Either way, try to deal with this calmly and with the least amount of drama for Mom. This really isn't what she needs to deal with now.
And now there's another wrinkle, which I'll probably start a new threat about at some point. So my mom is probably going to be assessed that she needs to go on hospice. And my younger sister called me today and asked me how I would feel about her coming home. Ultimately, I probably don't get to say, but as much as I would like to have my mom there, I realize that it is probably going to really be a struggle for me. First of all, I've let my sister know that I am totally tapped out from caring for my mom. Nearly 3 years with hardly any help from the siblings burned that bridge and I have nothing left to give. So she tells me there would be a 12 hour aide, but I wonder what happens in the other 12 hours. My mom was struggling with incontinence even before she went in the nursing home. So what am I supposed to do overnight? Leave her to lay in her waste? And I am physically not strong enough to get her up out of the bed or anything to clean her off. And then of course there's the whole issue of having relatives visiting night and day and particularly my older sister as mentioned above whose behavior I am frankly done with. I just feel like running away and never coming back.
I agree with the previous comments. Best of luck to you.
By the way, you have paid your dues! Please walk away from any caregiving responsibilities. Let your siblings figure it out!