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I've read so many posts on here, I figured it was my turn.


I'm 33 and my mother's main caregiver. She is in the end stage of CHF and began Hospice in late February. She needs 24/7 care, I can get by with running an errand every now and then or going into work (down the street from her home) for an hour or so but that's about the extent of time I can leave her alone as she is a high fall risk (3 falls in the past 6 months). Just today, the Hospice nurse told me it was most likely a matter of weeks before she passes. Curious if anyone has any advice on what I should be looking for to try to pinpoint a more specific timeline. I am one of 6 siblings but get very little/no help with my mom's care. I haven't told them what the nurse said today but know I will need to relay the information sooner rather than later. One of my sisters is flying in from California tonight and I have a feeling that mom has been hanging on to see her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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My dad passed away this summer from end stage CHF, at home on hospice care. Once he couldn’t get out of bed anymore (he was a very frail, rollator dependent walker), he quickly stopped eating, then his fluids went to very minimal, and he died within a week. The last few days he communicated very little, slept most of the time, and it was a more deep sleep he seemed to be in. I used the meds hospice provided with their instructions to keep him comfortable and he died without pain. Don’t hesitate to ask more questions of the hospice nurse anytime you think of them. Hospice guided me throughout or I wouldn’t have known what to do. I was told the three most telling signs for end of life are loss of communication, loss of nutrition, and deeply sleeping, and that proved true for my dad. I wish you peace as you walk through this, it’s so very hard
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sydneybritt87 Sep 2020
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Thanks so much for your story.
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I am so very sorry. I would ask all these questions now of hospice, and since they have volunteered their suspicions to you, I would be very frank to ask them for all the care help they can give you now. You will also have decisions to make with such things as comfort versus another day of life. For myself I would wish my family to keep me fully medicated so that I didn't experience air hunger or distress. This may hasten death by a few days, but will there will be peace in the passing, not trauma and anxiety. Let your hospice, who knows this case, be your guide.
Very often, in last days you will not discoloring, dusty extremities, and cooling of extremities as the body moves all defenses into the core. There can be confusion and picking at covers; ask to have medications to bring peace below the level of dreaming when possible.
Again, I am so sorry. And yes, family should be informed of what Hospice has told you. There are no guarantees in this sort of thing. Just let them know what you have been told.
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"Weeks" is an enormous time frame, to be honest. I don't know what the hospice nurse is seeing that tells her that. "Weeks" could be two weeks or two months, so until she's showing real symptoms of transitioning, I don't know how to pinpoint it any better.
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sydneybritt87 Sep 2020
She's been sleeping all day/night, barely eating and taking in little to no fluids. She's swollen in one leg and her skin on her feet is mottled. She's also on 4 liters of O2 24/7. I suppose that is part of what the nurse is basing the prediction on.
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