When MIL moved in, we took some time to sort through her things. Everything she had was just stuffed into bags and bins. So, we had three goals: make sure we had gathered and washed all of her clothes, find all of her papers and put them in one place for her, and make sure she had no illegal substances.
It took us some time to get through it. But, we found all sorts of "acquired" things. There were numerous state IDs, a social security card, and tons of mail that had other people's names. We also found a few of our things at the bottom of one of her containers. Some of our junk mail, one of my daughters favorite toys, and an inventory list for my home business. None of the items seemed inherently valuable, but it was odd that she had them stuffed in her things. There was also a LOT of trash.
Recently, I went into her room to strip her sheets and gather her laundry. I noticed she had some of my clothes in a pile that she said she planned on donating to Goodwill. I also noticed a bunch of things fell out when I dumped her clothes hamper out to sort the clothes. She had a spoon, all of the missing kitchen sponges, the emergency flashlight from my top dresser drawer which was colored all over with sharpie, and a wad of paper with some of my children's prescription medication balled inside.
She got very upset that I took her dirty clothes hamper out of her room. When I mentioned I took it because I found some of my things in it, she got very angry. She yelled that she wasn't a thief and doesn't steal things. I didn't say she stole them, just that I found them in her hamper.
The only concerning thing that she had taken was my children's medication. We have moved all the medication from it's previous location in a closet to a locked cabinet in my bathroom.
We had assumed previously that she just had a tendency to walk off with things, forget what they were or why she had them, and that she was just stuffing them places. But the medication was balled in a wad of paper and these things were hidden in the bottom of the laundry basket. That, combined with her outburst, now has me concerned.
Does anyone else deal with this? Any ideas on what we can do? My husband wants to do a weekly "contraband check", if only to get the random stuff back. I hate the idea of invading her privacy, though.
A person with dementia may begin to collect things that do not belong to them in an effort calm the fears and anxieties that often plague them. Sometimes individuals may appear to “hoard” due to confusion about how to handle particular tasks, rather than a simple desire to collect things. They might hoard or hide things for many reasons: It makes them feel more secure. It's a way to deal with losing memories and not being able to do things they used to do.
Here is some information on the subject from the Alzheimer's Association:
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptoms/hiding-hoarding-losing
Stay in close contact with MILs doctor who can let you know about the stages of the disease & when it may become necessary to place her in Memory Care.
Best of luck.
Because of her outbursts I would have her son involved with the recovery of pilfered items. I agree with your husband to recover items weekly. Lock up the valuables.
I think it was confusion associated with the dementia and not kleptomania. She really thought those things were hers. Never mind my name was on my medication, or the key ring holding my car keys was distinctive.
On the other hand, I caught her plundering my overnight duffle and those of my family when we'd go to visit. Not so innocent, I think. She was probably looking for "evidence" to support her paranoia.
All part of the dementia. After a few episodes of this, I started hiding my overnight bag. When she'd be in the shower or otherwise occupied, I'd conduct a search through the house of anything I was missing. You are justified to do the same I should think, especially in your own house. Invading her privacy? Extraordinary circumstances call for extraordinary rules.
Step father was in the hospital, she was trying to remove hand wipes from the wall, dispenser and all.
We can not leave our wallets or phones anywhere near her, they will disappear. I am afraid that she is also lifting stuff from Walmart...she is mentally ill...no doubt about it.
Is being cheap a mental illness? LOL.
I do think that my husband’s grandmother was mentally ill in some way though. She had way too many issues.
You are right, this will not get better, she will continue to go downhill and if you don't get her out of the house she will take the entire family down with her.
So very sorry that you and your family have to deal with this.
Given what you have found so far it seems like you MUST do regular checks to make sure she hasn't taken something valuable or dangerous. It sounds like she has at least some degree of Anosognosia, which means she won't understand the need for this. She will probably get angry, as she has already. You won't be able to reason with her for the most part, so you'll just have to prepare yourself for the anger.
Good luck in a difficult situation.