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My mom's has had a 24/7 caregiver so her savings account is running out and I have to find more money. I'm looking into a reverse mortgage, but the fee's are high. Has anyone used a reverse mortgage? If so, please share your experiences, good and bad.

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No personal experience, but know several people who have or had them and all totally regret the decision. A terrible financial product in most every aspect. I hope you can find an alternative solution
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CharMom Oct 4, 2024
Thank you! Me too.
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My immediate response is "Don't do it", sell the home and use that money for her care.

I have represented people who have done that and not in one case was the outcome good. Seniors who could no longer sustain living in their home and had to go to a facility, having spent what they received from the reverse mortgage and thus left with nothing for their care.

Costs and interest rates are high, I would look for a different alternative.
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CharMom, I remember back when my Dad had 3 shifts per day of caregivers cost him $20,000 per month. Dad asked me about "rest homes" so when I set up a tour for one nearby place Dad said "where do I sign up?" as he fell in love with the Victorian style of the building.


My Dad was finding trying to maintain his house was getting to be too much for him, as he was the type that wanted to do things himself, but being in his mid 90's, he couldn't anymore. He loved having his caregivers but it was becoming quite expensive. At senior living he had a nice apartment for $5,000 per month. He had weekly housekeeping and linen service, meals in the restaurant style dining room, activities, cable TV for the first time ever (never had it at home), and if anything needed fixing he just dialed maintenance dept. Oh, he brought along one of his caregivers to help him from 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. This gave him a routine that needed.


Dad sold his house and used the equity for his apartment rent at senior living facility, and to pay for his morning caregiver. He put the vast amount from the sale into investments which helped his savings grow. No more worries about property taxes, utility bills, lawn mowing, shoveling snow in the driveway... he really liked having this freedom at his stage of life :)
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AlvaDeer Oct 3, 2024
So very rare that I disagree with you SouthernWaver. But here I do. Never say never. Read my post below. It worked marvelously well for my partner's mom when she was VERY house RICH and very CASH POOR. It allowed her to stay in her Carefree AZ home where she could have her bed by the window looking out at the little desert pool she created for wildlife, getting checked on daily for a few hours. She was thrilled. Partner was thrilled. And she got to die at home as she wished.

In general, along with irrevocable trust, I don't like Reverse Mortgages. In general, along with a FEW things like LTC insurance I think you need really great advice. But I don't think we can blanket statement condemn then when they work so well for some. I have personal experience on this one.
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I personally witnessed what my boss went through when he wanted to take care of his wife at home, who had Alzheimer's, and he needed funds to help pay for caregivers as he refused to have her in Memory Care. The reverse mortgage (RM) that he got, at that time, was under his wife's name as it was given only to the oldest spouse.


When my boss's wife had passed, the RM wanted their money back immediately. He could no longer stay in the family home which he and the grown children had loved. He was forced to sell so the RM loan could be paid. It was within days after the funeral that he had to put the house up for sale.



Back then, RM wouldn't let the remaining spouse continue to live in the house, even if the spouse was able to maintain the cost of staying (which my boss could easily do). Thank goodness that rule no longer applies with today's reverse mortgages. If he was allowed to stay, the house would have grown in equity to give him funds for his own retirement.


Thus, read the fine print.
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NEVER do a reverse mortgage.
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AlvaDeer Oct 4, 2024
I mistakenly posted this yesterday on FregFlyer comment, so will report here correctly today:
@ SouthernWaver
So very rare that I disagree with you, SouthernWaver. But here I do. Never say never. Read my post below. It worked marvelously well for my partner's mom when she was VERY house RICH and very CASH POOR. It allowed her to stay in her Carefree AZ home where she could have her bed by the window looking out at the little desert pool she created for wildlife, getting checked on daily for a few hours. She was thrilled. Partner was thrilled. And she got to die at home as she wished.

In general, along with irrevocable trust, I don't like Reverse Mortgages. In general, along with a FEW things like LTC insurance I think you need really great advice. But I don't think we can blanket statement condemn then when they work so well for some. I have personal experience on this one.
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We had one. It was the only way we could stay in our house. Hubby refused to consider selling, bank wouldn't give us a second mortgage, so reverse mortgage became our only choice. We had almost used up all the money we were allotted (it was actually about 1/4 of the house's actual value!) when my father died in February. He left us enough money to pay off the reverse mortgage (or as I say, "buy back our own house"). If that hadn't happened, I don't know what we would have done next. And now that my husband has also passed away as well, I am doubly grateful for dad looking out for me.

Would I tell others to do it? Yes, if there is no other option AND you take time to plan ahead for when the money runs out. Do realize that if you don't pay back the reverse mortgage before trying to sell, it will make the sales process much more complicated. I am so glad to be out from under the reverse mortgage but glad that it carried us through for four years.
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Daughterof1930 Oct 4, 2024
Thankful you received the funds to repay it. Afraid that’s the rare exception for most
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Maybe selling the house and placing Mom in a nice AL would be better. It may be cheaper. There will be an RN available. Some have their own doctor associated with the facility. They manage Moms meds.
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It may be either good or bad and I would not consider without going with your mother to an elder law attorney and discussing the pros and cons for her own case.

This worked very well for my partner's mom who wanted to stay in her own home with her own visiting caregivers. She was able to do so by the amount monthly she was given and the amount she had saved added to her SS. She managed to die at home.
The home was eventually then sold by her son, and the mortgage loan for the reverse mortgage paid off (they generally have quite high interest). Essentially these are loans on the home.

The problem occurs often in THIS screnario:
1. Senior becomes way too ill to be home even with one on one caregiver (which requires more money than a reverse mortgage will give.
2. Senior leaves home to enter care.
3. Because Senior now has SS AND funds monthly for reverse mortgage she may be too high in monthly income to easily qualify for medicaid.
4. Now that the senior has left the home and cannot return the reverse mortgage "loan" is almost immediately called and due to be paid.
5. Home is sold; reverse mortgage loan is paid. Senior remains in care with remains of sale of home.

This as I said works for some and is a real bad choice for others.
You need to find out WHICH
And only an expert can help you decide.

Good luck.
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CharMom: A reverse mortgage is a loan that has to be paid back. Ergo, it's not without its drawbacks.
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MaryKathleen Oct 8, 2024
True, a mortgage is a mortgage
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I say don't do it. If you take out a reverse mortgage, and she has to go into assisted living, the mortgage is due and payable. For example, my girlfriend's husband had a reverse mortgage on their house that he took out before they were married. He died and the mortgage company told her she had to pay them back or get out in 30 days. The reverse mortgage is good only as long as the person on the loan is living in the house Too, if you don't keep the house up they can call the note in. So all the money is not yours to spend as you see fit. If they tell you you have to paint the house you have to paint the house. They can and do foreclose on people.

It would seem to me she would be better off to sell the house and move into assisted living. I have done this sort of thing it was hard but, neither she or I are going to get any younger. If she needs that kind of help now she probably won't get better.,
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