It's apparently just a last minute one-time thing, but it makes me feel vulnerable. I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong. At the same time, I worry about the ability of the CG to adequately care for two individuals OR supervise their kid the entire time to make sure they don't put anything in their pocket. They're also getting paid to do a job, and I volunteer (would never accept money from GM) to do the same thing so it frustrates me that I can't have peace of mind the few days a week I'm not there. One of her rings has been missing for a few weeks, and my radar is up. I don't like that I think that way, but I can't help it.
If the child has been exposed to any disease, chickenpox, whooping cough, strep, you do not want a person that is not 100% immunity wise to be exposed to something that may potentially be devastating and possibly fatal.
However, it seems you do not trust the caregiver per the missing ring. Perhaps it is time to find someone else.
I guess everyone's situation is different and it depends on the child and the loved one.
but boy, have a dog lay it’s head on her Bed, and it’s was “Well get up here you furball” pets and TV, she could hardly see. I got her a rabbit, they’d cuddle and talk. Not many people visit, they seem apprehensive.
kids and dogs, look out, good ones ‘nose right in.
I even sent home a adult caregiver with a runny nose and raised hell with the agency for not teaching their employees not to show up sick.
Kids? Not a chance.
If you don't trust the paid caregiver (missing ring), then look for another caregiver.
End of story. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but, each situation should handled at the time the problem occurs, do not wait.
My MIL had a maid who brought her son (in his 20's) to work with her so he could move the heavy furniture, and later, when they THOUGHT MIL was out of town, moved the TV, the stereo system, the silver....yeah, bad idea, but we didn't know about it until she called us in hysterics that someone had broken into her home--get this WHILE SHE WAS ASLEEP and she heard nothing. A neighbor up early for a run saw a car in the driveway (4:30 am) and called the cops. we just felt lucky that they didn't realize MIL was actually home.
Even including all the "what ifs" and "just this once"--shoot, if I had to be to work and I knew it, and my kid needed somewhere to go I would have NEVER thought to take him/ her to my work!!
Some people look at somebody with nice things and automatically assume they were born with a silver spoon and don't deserve x and y. Many from that generation survived through the depression and worked for everything they had(and fought wars).
It's too bad what this does to someones' trust in the world around them, and how can you blame them?! Such a violation. Thank you for sharing.
For all the reasons you stated and more. Kids can be carriers of bugs...I didn't mean that in the literal sense, but that too...they get snotty noses and other things and you probably know it can be so much more challenging to care for a physically sick elder who doesn't stay isolated and spreads germs, and then you can get it...which is not to diminish all the outstanding relevant reasons you previously listed. Caregiving is stressful and exhausting enough for us good women to have to add the stress and burden in of you worrying. As for that ring...if she has dementia, and even if not, she might have hidden it...(?) but for goodness sake, go through the house and find the valuables and take them with you if you have people coming in, or get a locking handset on a door that you don't leave a key around for. You may need to find a new caregiver...
Not every situation would work due to the patient and child's needs, but I wouldn't say "no" categorically.
You say Missing ring? Red Flag. Talk Turkey. It appears that could Become, Hun, a Regular Thing. That has to End.
If it's a private set up, then it's your call what happens, and your liability as well. If she didn't come due to a last minute emergency, babysitter car broke done, or babysitter called in sick to the caregiver, etc..., But if the child was sick and that's the emergency, then you differently don't want that around your elderly parents or yourself.
Sounds to me and I could be wrong, if she didn't come you wouldn't have had someone to take care of your parents that day.
That's why working with an agency has a lot of great perks. Example: backup help should something like this happens, ( they usually have several meets with the clients so they know each caregiver, missing items, they frown on that as much as you do!
Yes, they're a little more expensive, but in the long run are worth it.
I use to be a caregiver for a great company, it's great for all concern, believe me. Good luck, but you need to resolve some issues and quickly. Maybe get several caregivers, if you prefer private caregivers, and get referrals from them before you let them take care of your parents and in your home!
God bless you and your sistuation.
Inappropriate doesn't even start how wrong it is.
possibly you worry too much
Not even on the 1-10 scale.
What do you think would happen if your Loved One who is a fall risk started to get up out of a chair at the same time the "caregiver's" child decided to climb onto the counter. Who would get the attention? Who would Mom go to to protect?
You go to work...If your caregiver called in and said they were ill or their car broke down would you take your Loved One to work with you? It is a "one time thing and won't happen again" What would your boss say?
Yeah, no not appropriate.
From my personal experience, if they feel comfortable enough to ask you if they can bring their children, then they probably feel comfortable enough to think they can take things.
It is their place of employment, not extended family.
I got two missed calls from her later at night while I was eating dinner on my first night off after caring for GM. which just made me even more wary. Didn't even leave a message. I feel like she just wanted to get a "handle" on the situation.
I would be concerned the child would get hurt and you would be responsible. Ive personally seen that happen. And the mother said thats what you have insurance for... Her child climbed a tree and fell out. She cant keep her eye on the kid every minute. She will have to spend time getting snacks, keeping the kid entertained and out of trouble. You dont even know if she is a good parent with dicipline.
I had a neighbor come over. Couldnt even control her kids in front of me! My house isnt child proof. I told her that. They damaged items. She didnt care. Didnt offer to fix or replace. They even stomped on my plants right in front of me as I yelled get out of my garden. 6 Rose bushes newly planted. All stomped on. Mom did nothing. They werent allowed back after that. Period.
One thing I think would happen is that it is a one off, at first. Then next thing you know it will be more often until its a weekly thing. Nip it in the bud. Say NO. You shouldnt have to worry about the child and the elderly person. Most people cannot take their kid to work. That might be a way to slide the kid in there. That wasnt the arraignment. Why is the hired person changing the rules? NO. You hired that person to do a job. Period. You arent running a day care.
Once you allow that child in, it will be for a sick day, a snow day, a half school day, school holiday, summer vacation etc etc. You allow it once it will continue. You opened the door for it. Nip it in the bud. Put your foot down. You are really worried now. Your gut is telling you no.
i know of an agency who’s in court right now because a caregiver stole jewelry. They’re sweating the outcome.
I really like the Nest suggestion. It will give you peace of mind and the agency & caregivers will be on notice. This is more and more commonly done because of technology.
From what you’ve said about the caregiver it seems she’s “independent” from the agency and will continue to ask for unusual things outside the realm of her expected caregiver skills. Also, her comments about what your grandmother said is weird. Seems to me the caregiver is trying to “guilt” you and that’s not appropriate. Calling you & not leaving messages. I’d immediately request another caregiver to replace her.
Yes, a sick child isn’t a good idea because your grandmother may be immune suppressed and vulnerable to any virus.
Maybe you should come up with a document you can post that outlines your expectations. No kids. Weekly inventory of valuable items. Anything else. Have every caregiver read this & post somewhere they’ll see on a regular basis. Give a copy to the agency.
Good luck. It’s obvious you love your grandmother & you’re doing a great job. She may not have the ability to express appreciation however I’m sure she does.
I am going to look into Nest, just one more thing(like the safe) that is fool proof and will be huge for security of mind.
I will say that she has 2 caregivers that are a little older and I like them very much. They're always on time and keep it simple, which I appreciate. The trust thing is fundamental and I do need to come up with an additional way to safeguard small valuables without having to hide away everything she owns!
Thank you for responding to everything I said, I question a lot of things and it helps to get some reassurance.
This is totally unethical and unprofessional of the CG. She/he is being paid to do a job. You would be much better off giving her the day off w/o pay so she can deal with her kids.
You don't mention the ages of the kids, but that doesn't matter because each age group brings a different set of potential problems with them.
Don't do it, even if they promise it is only a one time thing. Once she/he takes advantage of you one time, it will happen again.
If the child had had an accident or gotten sick, andyour family member needed or wanted attention, whom do you think would be the priority? This is a very bad idea. As muh as we want to be nice, this isn't a path you want to start down. In fact I thought it was the fault of the agency who hadn't made clear to the caregive what her professional obligations entailed, ans shortly thereafter I changed agencies, even though we had had good aides from them.
Now that's one i've never heard before! I don't know which would irk me more of those two things. I think i'd say "keep the socks".
When is it ever appropriate to sleep in someone else's bed that isn't your parent?
My radar over something gone missing would also go up. I had Nest cameras installed in my home and told the aides. No explanation is needed as to why - it is "your" home and you simply want peace of mind when you are not home particularly when multiple aides are going in and out of your home. If they are honest, they will understand and not mind.
You can even speak via the app and also listen. For instance, I once checked the app video on my phone and realized my mom was in the bathroom for quite some time while the aide was reading a magazine. Via the app, I asked her to please get up and check on my mom. She immediately did so.