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Why is he angry?
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I told my Dad that if he didn’t straighten out and be civil with the family to work with us instead of against us that we would have to make some “hard choices.” I don’t know why, but those words seemed to resonate with him and he has modified his behavior a little for the better. I am not sure I could tell myself or him exactly what “hard choices” means, but I think we both understood it would mean a major change to his living arrangement. In your case, it might mean that you guys move out and find a new place to live. He can then sell his house if he wants and use the $ for a facility. My Dad lives in his own house with my younger brother who has been exposed to behavior similar to what you describe. I have my mother at my house. She is bedridden. When we have a family gathering, my Dad can get out of whack and be like a wrecking ball. I am pretty certain with my Dad that it is a combination of his controlling personality, mild dementia, fear of losing his independence, fear of end of life and possibly a passing UTI or post surgical anesthesia effects. Who knows? But whatever it is it is not healthy to continue in that environment. I don’t have answers - just sympathy. Good luck with finding a solution.
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Correction: I see that the house belongs to you. Figure out what you owe him and that is what he gets if you have to make that “hard choice.”
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What does ‘he invested in our home’ actually mean? Did he really ‘invest’, ie lend you both some money? That’s a different thing legally from ‘he is a joint owner, on the title with you’.

If he lent you some money, you can pay him back by borrowing from another lender. Then he no longer has ‘rights’. You still need to deal with the expectations that he can live with you, but you can be clear about your ‘rules’. And if he doesn’t stick to the rules, he needs to find somewhere else to live.

If he is a joint owner, you need a lawyer to sever the joint ownership – and you will still need to pay him back. More difficult, but still possible.

It may be worthwhile being the people who finally say “NO” by spelling out these options – and his if you use either of them. It will be very difficult, but he does NOT have you over a barrel. This could go on for almost a decade, so don’t ruin your lives.

More information about the legalities and any written obligations would help me explain the legal options.

Yours, Margaret
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Dcoyne22 Aug 2023
He gave both my husband and I and my brother a lump sum. We used it and the sale of our home to purchase a larger home to accommodate he and my since deceased mom, He purchased my brother a condo. We sold that home and purchased one in FL. And moved him with us. .
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DC, so dad gave money to both you and brother.

Brother does not appear to think that dad giving money created an obligation to house and caregiver someone who clearly needs a higher/different level of care.

Why do you?

Dad didn't "invest". He gifted.
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Yes, if he gifted the money (no loan, no joint title), then you have done your best to fulfill the only obligation you have - which is moral, not legal, and you have done without success. That makes it very straightforward legally. As I wrote, “you can be clear about your ‘rules’. And if he doesn’t stick to the rules, he needs to find somewhere else to live”. What you need now is the strength of mind to implement it.

Think carefully – would you accept a gift from a stranger-giver that came with an obligation to give unending toleration to someone who is “negative, mean, antisocial and rude”? I bet you wouldn’t, unless you were starving or a slave. So don’t.

Perhaps this is a good time to buy and read the book “Boundaries”, and work out your own. Then tell Dad what they are, and what his options are if he chooses not to follow them. To make it clear that you are serious, lend him the book, give him a phone number for take-way delivery service, and stop cooking for him next time he goes over the line. Have courage, Margaret
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