Doesn’t like me to go anywhere. Goes through my belongings, has called me names. Made false lies about me, refuses to eat when I make dinners etc. At times. Hides things (did this since childhood) over collected items. Never makes decisions.
Depends on me to do everything, then tells ppl he does and tells them I don’t know what I’m doing. The list goes on. He comes across as a gentle passive man and yet if he is pissed off he said “I like to needle ppl n get under their skin and intimidate them." Yet he also can portray as a gentleman. Polite, kind and a listener.
He in the past has used silent treatment and still does it.. Never has said sorry or appreciate all what I have done. He expects for me to do everything n when I do. He’ll say, "You haven’t done anything"
Very hurtful and I want to detach and not worry, i.e. if he doesn’t eat or makes up lies etc...I’ve tried to set boundaries and detach and he outwits me.
WhoEVER this person is, and whatever his motivations, the person at issue here is YOU. He has not written us, but YOU have. The real question is WHY are you living with a person you don't get along with?
It's time for you to stop worrying about his motivations. It is unlikely he will ever change, as he doesn't have a problem. He is in control and enjoys it. It is time, if you want to change in your life, to take the reins and change your life. If you live with him it's time to move away from him. If HE lives with you, then that was an unwise decision that will be a bit more difficult to unwind.
It is time to stop fulfilling his expectations of you and for you to form your OWN expectations of/for and by YOURSELF. That may require professional help as we are creatures of habit and we act in habitual ways even when they are hurtful. The scariest thing of all is to take an unfamiliar path, so we stay stuck in what we "know", despite its destructive nature. We are as easily trained as a dog.
I hope you will consider professional help to find answers for your OWN path forward. It may not include this person, other than on a seldom seen basis. You may have to create new friendships, develop better self esteem, and good friends who will build you up instead of tearing you down.
I sure do wish you the best.
but sometimes these situations happen because the caretaker (assist4u) is financially dependent on the abusive person.
is this what's happening, assist4u?
hug!!
maybe you live with him, take care of him, in return you have a home/place to stay (his place), some money?
and when an abusive person knows you're financially desperate, it can happen that they treat you even worse.
i hope you find a good solution!! hug!
abusive people don't change -- on the contrary, whatever you see now, is likely to get even worse. abusive people reach for example level 3 of abuse, then go onto level 4, etc...they increase the torture. in the very beginning maybe he was nice. then it moved onto level 1 of abuse, etc...
i really hope you find a way out!!
bundle of joy
If you live with him, maybe time to move out. If you feel he is vulnerable, call Adult Protection Services. Tell them you left because of abuse and you feel he needs help. If he is living with you, may need to evict him on the same grounds, abuse. And tell the court he needs help.
It can also be said that bad behavior can get worse as a person ages, especially if they are losing control of every other aspect of their lives and they see you as someone they can control.
The question is - is this behavior out of character? Could it be something besides NPD? Could there be other mental health issues that are causing the bad behavior?
If he truly has narcissistic personality disorder, I say this from the bottom of my heart. Narcissists are exceptional at making people feel inferior, beating you down and taking until there is nothing left. As bundleofjoy mentions, the relationship dynamics are important. If you are indebted to him, he will absolutely take advantage of it, often taking way more than the debt owed. Narcissists are abusive. They are manipulative. And as they get older, they are angry - because the things that are happening in their lives are not supposed to happen to them. Everything is always supposed to work out for a narcissist in spite of their own behavior or lack of accountability. They will blame EVERYONE except themselves for things that happen to them. It is NEVER their fault.
I would definitely be interested to see if this is new behavior or something that has been going on all along. I know it is often easier when you are not dealing with a narcissist on a daily basis to not necessarily recognize the signs. It is not until you really spend time with them and they can't keep up the illusion that you really see who they are.