I work for an elderly couple, one has dementia. Their son lives in another state and will be bringing his wife and kids to stay and "play" and vacation. They have done this before and took advantage of me asking me to do THEIR laundry and dishes etc. I am here to care for the parents....NOT a maid. I also find I have resentment for them taking advantage of personal care attendants, so they can go off and play all day. Why can't they just stay and do fun things/ take care of their folks at home? They're only here for a week. It baffles me. How can I gently approach the issue with them/ my employer?
There is no other way but to set boundaries or find another job. If you were hired for them by an agency, contact them. Its nice to have a pleasant relationship, but you are there to provide skilled care, not be buddies with everyone. Project confidence and self respect to those who have become too familiar.
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At any rate it doesn't sound like something you need to discuss with the family until after you clarify what your duties are with your employer first.
Does everyone in both states live in a Covid free bubble?
How responsible is it for this family to bring the possibility of Covid into the home of elders for a week?
Are they quarantining for two weeks in a hotel first?
Multigenerational homes are a perfect storm right now with this virus.
Gentlecare70 do you intend to be the PNA for a couple of Covid patients?
I think a few loads of laundry/dishes are the least of your problems.
Many elderly WANT their family to visit.
You have to understand that in their minds you do the dishes and the laundry and everything else that the lady of the house can no longer do and I promise you that translates into taking care of their child and their spouse and family. Just like mama would do if she was able.
I don't think that they have any notion that they are taking advantage or abusing you in any way.
If you feel like what they are asking you to do is too much, and I think that you doing their laundry is asking too much, then you need to speak with your employer and tell them that you feel like they are crossing boundaries by asking you to do chores for the family. You can ask for more money or you can say it is not something that you are willing to do. But you need to address the situation because you are feeling resentful about it and that will show.
Choose your battle carefully if you like your job. Putting them on the spot will not be good for anyone involved. Decide what you are willing to take on and negotiate how this can happen without anyone feeling upset.
Another thing that you want to consider, people assume that you should be perpetually busy when you are working, which I agree with, so make sure that you are not idle and giving them cause to feel like giving you additional chores is okay.
I would live for you to take the week off the son and his family visit. The son should have a copy of your duties and yes post one on the fridge.
@Casa123 gave you GREAT PROFESSIONAL advice: ....
"I'd advise for you to maintain a professional approach & conduct at all times. Discuss the matter with YOUR EMPLOYER & ALLOW THEM to address/resolve these issues with the client/family."
God Bless you for asking advice and I pray this all works out EXTREMELY well to your benefit! $$$$
If you are able to communicate with them before their next visit, it might be worth honestly expressing that you feel your responsibilities in the household are misunderstood, and that they need to pitch in a bit more in taking care of themselves while they are there. They may not even realize that they are putting you in this position.
Even if the actual additional chores are manageable, the attitude that you are there to wait on them is not acceptable.
Accordingly, the family should act respectfully when visiting as their being held accountable by your employer.
Focus on your PCA/client tasks and don't concern yourself with what you observe whilst relatives visit. Do your best as usual & never compromise yourself in the workplace.
Or, just don't do their dishes or their clothes and don't watch the children and tge Grandpsrent can tell their own child that it's too much fir them to watch their Grandkids thst they will have to take them with them when they leave the house.
has this just happened once or twice,?
Do the Children live out of town?
do you wash dish loads of stuff or when they visit they once in a while share a meal with their parents?
How old are tge children and do they live with the parents?
You should talk to the children and tell them just what you just said.
Let them know that taking care of their parents only includes their parents not the children. They will have to do their own wash and wash their own dishes.
You can also let them know that for extra money, you would be happy to add duties to your list.
After the above is done, it could ho two ways...
#1 They let you go and hire someone else.
#2 They keep you and ya'll make some kind of arrangement of what is expected and how much pay.
“While I appreciate my job and have every intention of continuing to work for your parents, I’d like to clarify that I am 100% their PCA at all times.
The reason I bring this up is because upon your last visit, I feel the lines were blurred as I was asked to do the family’s laundry, the family’s dishes, and so forth.
While I’m very happy your parents will get to spend quality time with you all once again, I hope it is not too much to ask for you all to tend to your own needs or if necessary, hire a maid too during your stay - my focus remains on meeting the needs of your parents, and I sincerely appreciate getting to do so.
Looking forward to seeing you all soon and may you have safe travels”
What she resents is that they use her clients' home as a hotel and take for granted that she will provide hotel services such as laundry and housekeeping. She may also feel, although I hope she keeps this opinion more to herself, that if the family is going to descend on the grandparents the least they could do is give the grandparents their attention.
[I'm not sure she'd be right about that last bit, mind. Thinking of grandparents I have known, they love the little ones very much indeed but even more so when they're out of earshot.]
Be that as it may, the OP is a Personal Care Assistant. She is not a housekeeper, she is not a maid, she is not a home help. Supporting clients with their ADLs - including washing, dressing, preparing food, eating, organising personal belongings, ordering and taking medication, maintaining a safe and healthy living environment - will necessarily spill over into helping with the clients' laundry, kitchen and other domestic routines. But it is not to be confused with her being a maid of all work. She is right about this.
I suspect that you have developed a somewhat proprietary interest in your clients such that you feel entitled to judge their children. Unless the adult children and their children are doing something that directly affects the care you are giving their parents, it would be better to recognize that all families are different, including yours, and your opinion of how this family functions is not a part of YOUR job description. But if your clients ask you to shop as part of your duties, you’ll have no choice but to buy extra food and help them prepare for the visit because that IS part of your job. And in truth, a large part of the job description
of a competent, caring, efficient and considerate non-licensed caregiver is to do many household tasks for your clients. That does not make you a “maid,” but even if it does, why do you think being someone’s housekeeper reflects poorly on you? Housekeepers or “maids” are usually wonderful people who work hard at skilled work who deserve to be treated with deference and respect. There is nothing demeaning in being a maid!
If the adult children want to go off and play, they should. If OP does not get enough vacation days, she can renegotiate her contract . OP might want to think about that the adult children might be using all their vacation time to visit, and they might think they deserve a break.
If you are with an agency, then have them back you up. If your private pay, you just need to stand your ground. The parents are your clients. You are paid to care for them and what that entitles. That is where your responsibilities end. You are not a maid, you are a PCA. A maid does not do what you do for the parents. Good Luck.
As to if this is private pay, even if the elderly one is the employer, I would not be quick to assume the parents don't want help with this.