My mom is 84 and lives alone. She is a very difficult, negative person. She calls me everyday and demands that I answer the phone whenever she calls as if I have no life of my own. She complains about her health, her bills and my brother all the time. She is so negative and has always been this way. I am tired of her negativity and do not want to talk with her everyday. So I am laying down boundaries and she becomes abusive when I do. She just vomits out whatever she wants to say without any regard for me and my feelings. She has always been this way and me and my brother and sisters left her house early on in our teenage years because we could not stand her bipolar ways. I love my mom but my life and my metal health are important to me and I just don't want to be there every time she calls with some negative topic. I just can't be her emotional dumping bag anymore and when I speak what I feel, she interrupts me, hangs up the phone or whatever she has to do not to hear me or validate my feelings. My brother and sisters have distanced themselves from her because they don't like the way she is. She is miserable, tired and sick all the time and I don't want to become like her. If I constantly play the listener role what will become of me?
If you are not her PoA and wish to back away, you can contact APS to report her as a vulnerable adult. This gets her on their radar. Keep calling APS. Eventually when conditions for staying in her home become untenable, they will move to acquire guardianship, and then will place her in a facility where she will be protected and cared for. You can visit her and carry on whatever level or engagement you wish, but the county will then be in full control of her medical and financial affairs, and family will have no insight into any of it. The guardian may request input about certain decisions, but that's it.
My step-FIL became a ward of the county. He made it impossible for us to help him legally. I laid out his choices and he chose to pretend that APS would not intervene, but they did. He went into a facility and we visited him, then went home and slept soundly because we weren't exhausted or worried about him. I'm just putting this out there for you so you can make an informed decision, and move forward with your life. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart.