Does anyone else fear a parent dying in their home?

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Does anyone else fear a parent dying in their home?

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My father died at home in his favorite chair two years ago nearly to the day. I found him when I came home (I lived with him) from work later that night. I beat myself up for not seeing the signs before I left that morning. I went over everything that happened with him from several months before that terrible day up to the morning he died, over and over in my mind. I realized, at one point, that my dad died the way he wanted. He hated hospitals. He was watching one of his favorite tv channels and had the paper in his lap when he fell off to sleep permanently. He loved his home and there are many memories of him and my family here. I am glad he was able to meet death in the place he would have wanted it most. A few months later I visited my uncle in the hospital on his death bed. It was terrible. He was unconscious and hooked up to many machines and had tubes in and out of him everywhere imaginable. He looked like the Bionic man rather than my uncle. I know my uncle didn't like this at all and I am at peace to know he is likely with my dad in that other world. I thanked God then and there that my father did not die this way. It would have been unimaginable to witness. I have since had a few 'incidents' which tells me my father's spirit lives on. It hurt a lot in the first few days and weeks after his death to be at home where he passed. Every little thing he held or used in his daily life became like a museum masterpiece though they were ordinary objects. These things took on a reverential status because the person I once loved and took care of used them and he is gone from my life. I find comfort in being at home where all our memories are and I'm not 'spooked' at all by the thought of his ghost though I know other people feel very uneasy about such things. My father died suddenly and though there were signs I should have paid closer attention to, nobody expected it to happen. But if he were to wind up having a condition that produced much pain for him and the hospital would be better for him in terms of handling that pain, then I would wish for him to be there unless he really objected. My grandmother also died in her apartment where she lived with my mom. She was receiving hospice care and was surrounded by her children and some grandchildren (including me) when she passed. It was tough to watch as she had that familiar 'death rattle' and seemed to be fighting to let go. But, I don't think she would have wanted to die in a hospital surrounded by mostly strangers. In the end, how, where and when we die is out of our hands for the most part. I think it depends on how your parent feels about that subject and how comfortable you are with death and what comes in the days and months afterwards. I hope you find peace in coming to an answer.

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You are a wonderful person and I agree with everything you say.

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I had a feeling that my dad had died so checked the internet to find that he'd died a few days before. He was a difficult person and estranged from everyone except his second wife so no one knew he was in his last days.

When I was at college I went home with a friend to stay with her parents on their farm for the weekend. They seemed to eat nothing but butter, meats and gravy and her father looked grey and overweight. In my mind's eye I pictured a gray spot around his liver and knew that he'd be dead in two weeks. I was horrified at my thoughts. Two weeks later my friend went home from college because her dad had suddenly been diagnosed with liver cancer and died.

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Davina,

Wow, scary intuition, huh? You had something going on in your subconscious. Accurate premonitions.

Do you feel the death of someone is harder if they are estranged, unfinished business or that you have already started the grieving process before they died due to them being estranged? I’ve heard both sides from different people.

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My Dad is currently ignored by his GP and emergency services. His fault.

He went through a phase of phoning 999 and asking for an ambulance when there was pretty much nothing wrong, they'd take him to hospital, check him over and send him home. Then he tried same with his GP and they've stopped coming out.

Then he did it to me. (I live 20 miles away). He'd phone me and pretend he had chest pains or something. He didn't. In the end, it happened so often I had to ignore it too.

I always say we'll probably find him dead in his chair one day and say "Oops he was ill this time!". I know its not really funny...... But what can I do?

Honestly, if I jumped every time he claimed it was an emergency I would have lost my job, got divorced, and no longer see my kids by now.

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Paul,

I know what you mean. My mom has done the same thing for years. I know my mom truly has serious medical issues but there are certain things that are not a matter of life and death, but in her mind they are of the utmost importance. It’s like they think we are their personal servant. According to them, we aren’t supposed to question anything or do anything at our convenience either. If we do question circumstances, they consider it to be us being disrespectful to them. I tell my mom, “How about giving respect to get it back?”

I wonder all the time though, when and where she’ll die. Not wishing it on her but I think about when and how it will happen. I have missed out on so many desires because of her living with me since 2005. Long before that too. Done this practically all my life. I drove many miles before she moved in with us. I also took care of my dad and an older brother. My dad mellowed in his old age. He was a joy. I have wonderful memories of my father that I cherish. Also helped to take care of a few in laws.

Same as you, my husband and I will joke around saying that she is going to outlive us!

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Needhelpwithmom..
With Hospice you can do what you want.
I wanted my Husband at home. I think he would have hated being taken to a hospital to die. The Hospice facility is BEAUTIFUL, I am there almost everyday as a volunteer but it was not his home.
So you have a choice.
You can stay in your home
or
If you truly do not want your loved one to die at home this is something that you can discuss with Hospice.

Hospice also has volunteers that go through Vigil Training. These volunteers at almost a moments notice will come to your house and sit with you, sit with your loved one until they die so you will not be alone when the death occurs. This could take 1 day, 2 days or more they will come in shifts if need be. They will make phone calls to the Hospice office so a trained person will come out and make all the calls that need to be made and they will "pronounce" the death. So you do not have to be worried about being alone when your loved one dies.

With Hospice the decision is ALWAYS up to the patient and the family.

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Grandma,

Yeah, hospice is a lovely organization. I’m glad your husband died where he wanted to be.

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For me, personally, I'd prefer my mom to die at home. She'd be more comfortable here than in the hospital or AL and I'm not the superstitious type. However, I have a disabled adult child who suffers with several mental health and neurological issues and it could cause her problems since she does have vivid dreams.

I know that at some point my mom will have to go into AL or MC as her age and dementia/ALZ progresses, but it's not something I look forward to, despite how hard it already is to deal with her at home. Each of us needs to decide what is best for ourselves, our family and our loved one. And prepare ourselves in case nature steps in on it's own time line. ❤

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kirahfaye,

It’s true, can involve others, such as your daughter, especially if she suffers with nightmares.

Thanks for sharing.

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I am very unafraid...and this surprises me a little bit. My relationship to death really changed when my parents died. Why would they want to scare me? They absolutely wouldn’t. I hope I get to die at home. You’ll be ok.

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Gregorypeck,

Ahhh, one of my favorite actors of yesteryear. To Kill a Mockingbird. Great book and great film!

Yes, life throws us curveballs that are very much unexpected. Thanks for your encouragement. I appreciate it.

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My son died here in my house ... my daughter in her house in another state. My mother in her independent living apartment. My father in a nursing home. My fatherinlaw in a hospital. My motherinlaw in a nursing home.

i think if you feel uncomfortable you should not have your mom at home.

Try not to do something youll feel uncomfortable about later.

there were be enough why-didnt-i later.

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Bettysue,

Yep, I want to be at peace following my heart. Thanks for responding.

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My mom was in hospice care, at her home, which is about 300 feet behind mine. Once her health declined, which happened in less than 2 weeks, we ordered a hospital bed and had an ambulance do an assisted lift, to move her to my home. She passed away 12 days later. I have no stigmas or misgivings about my mom passing away, in my home. We were all by her side when she took her last breath. My kids were 10 and 14 at the time and they have handled things very well. I think it’s important to have a healthy view of death and to appreciate the moments that we have with our family while they are with us, on earth. And if she wants to come “visit”, we’ll I guess we will cross that bridge. I personally hope that she is dancing on streets of gold and that this ugly world is just a memory for her.

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Vonclary,

Beautiful story. So much love. Thanks for sharing.

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I had fears when I moved my 103 yo aunt in with me...but my love for her over came those fears and when she passed away in my guest room 6 months later, I was only flooded with precious memories and the fact that she was with the ones who loved her most when she went to be with the Lord. I would caution anyone tho....moving a loved one in is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done and I’m not sure I could ever do it again. Prayers for wisdom and discernment as you care for your mom...

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Lin,

Oh, I love your story! What a beautiful heart you have.

I never turn down prayers, thanks.

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Have you asked your Mom where she would like to live her last days? If she says at home, ask her what about that is comforting to her. Maybe she just wants to be surrounded by loved ones and some familiar things, if so, then you can certainly recreate that in an assisted living environment. I think that there is no right answer that will fit everyone. I think that dying at home is what most people want. I think I could handle that if the death was a quick one, or if my dad died of a sudden heart attack or severe stroke. It's the long deaths that I think are harder, such as if a parent is no longer taking in any nutrition, I don't know if I could handle that at home, and it would be especially hard if there are children living in the home. In that case, hospice in a facility would be better for me.

By the way, I bought a home once where someone committed suicide. We had the home saged and blessed. It was never an issue for us, if I heard a squeak I'd say "hi Jerry" and move on with my day. My kids were not bothered by it either. I think that real estate agents must tell you if someone committed suicide, but I don't think they are obligated to tell you if someone died a natural death in the home....but I'm not sure about that.

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a murder for sure I think, suicide I don't know...an interesting question!

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Our family has a very weird sense of humor so I am not being disrespectful. When my mom got older and tired of the cold we moved her to our vacation home in Florida and I made her promise that if she felt like she was going "bink" to get outside of the house so as not to die inside my house. It was a lighthearted way of us discussing where she wanted to be at the end, but if we can do what is required to care for her at the end I hope I have the strength to keep her with us.

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Tluther

What a cute story! It’s good to laugh. Thanks for the giggle.

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My father died here...and mom is on hospice now. Having been through one and coming into another. I have zero fear about it. First, hospice is amazing...they make all the difficult parts easy. As for after, I have had nothing but comfort and warm feelings about dad passing here. No spirits, selling the house. None of that. In fact I stayed in his room the following night to feel close...and it was warm and loving feeling.

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John,

Sounds like you had a warm and loving relationship. Beautiful experience. Thanks for responding.

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There is a limit on how much "assistance" an Assisted Living facility can provide. If they think the resident is having a medical crisis, a hospital transfer is likely to happen. This happened to my father and he died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Hospice services can be delivered in a home or in a facility. Your family needs to have an open and honest discussion about this.

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Bigsister,

I am trying to read in between the lines and having trouble. Please elaborate. Do you regret your dad being with assisted living? Would you have preferred hospice?

Thanks for responding.

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Clearly your personal feelings all come into play as well as the health status of the person. Hospice is meant to help someone pass at home where they are most comfortable as has happened for ages...as I recall, wakes used to happen in people's homes too? I think the answer for you is what makes you (and your mother) most comfortable. For me, I hope I do die at home when the time comes; for my parents, who are elder, I hope they pass gently in their sleep and not in some damn hospital or facility. If your parent has an illness, you should get hospice involved as they will be a support and guide you and help with the details.

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gdaughter,

I know hospice has helped many people, including my family with my brother’s death. Thanks for responding.

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No disclosure is required when you go to sell if there was a natural death on the property. The most important thing is caring for your mom while you have her and coming to terms with your fears. She has fears too that are significant regardless of her age and health - try to put aside yours and comfort her while you are she is alive. My husband is in a facility and I grieve daily for many reasons but one is that I can't give him the peace that would come from being cared for and eventually passing in his own home around familiar surroundings and his pets and possessions that he cherished instead of a facility.

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txagt,

I appreciate what you are saying. Lots of emotions involved. Thanks for responding.

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My husband died at home from complications of Parkinson's disease. I called for Hospice about two months before he passed. I'm sorry I waited so long. They were wonderful. So many loving people at such a difficult time.

I had a vision about 3 days before he passed. He was in a firetruck (he was a fireman) and it was in beautiful soft clouds. He was looking out the window and waving goodbye with a beautiful smile on his face.

I took care of him at home with help from a wonderful home health care giver and a friend. It wasn't easy, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. He was home with friends and family. The bad memories passed when he did and I owe all my strength to God who carried me through.

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My mom has Parkinson’s so I can relate. I am glad that your bad memories have faded. Caregiving isn’t always easy. It has it’s share of ups and downs.

Oh my gosh, I have vivid dreams. I find dreams fascinating but the nightmares I had as a kid I wish could have been turned off. Too many horror shows!

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You know, I the more I read the more I think that people's experiences with hospice are one of the main factors that can differentiate between a good death in the home and a nightmare, coupled with how drawn out and traumatic the actual dying process is. There is a person on the forum right now who is wracked with guilt over failing to be able to adequately read the signs and relieve her mother's suffering before she died, I gather that the only help available to them was not an RN, and gave bad advice. Not everyone has a peaceful death, and not every hospice provides the necessary support.

It's not the dead I fear, it's all that comes before. My mom developed aspiration pneumonia in the NH, I got a call in the middle of the night that they were unable to maintain her blood oxygen levels and it took her several days to actually die. She had immediate access to oxygen, she had meds given via a subcutaneous cannula, she was basically kept stoned out of her mind and I am grateful it was not up to me to notice and interpret her needs and take the appropriate action because I was totally out of my depth. In the end hers was a fairly peaceful passing, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have experienced a traumatic death and to be confronted constantly by reminders because your home is where it all occurred.

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cwille,

I agree. So many variables. We can’t always be second guessing. It is hard when we don’t experience what we would have liked to have happen. For the most part, we don’t have that type of control. Thanks for sharing.

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While it was my DH and not a parent, I have no regrets keeping him home with me. As you stated, Hospice will come in and bring a hospital bed so the patient isn't dying in one of your beds. It was a lot easier on DH being home for his last days.

My father lived in a trailer in my front yard - again, Hospice provided a hospital bed so he didn't die in his bed - that helped because my neighbor wanted the bed and was relieved to hear Pop wasn't in it when he passed. The trailer remained in my front yard for almost a year before we were given permission to have it moved (Probate). I was thankful to be able to keep him at home until he passed.

Yes, I have memories - of love. He was so thankful and I got to witness his passing when my mother came for him. I shall never ever forget the profound look of joy on his face when she came for him - he missed her so much, she passed 7+ years earlier.

For my father, the hospital bed was delivered maybe an hour before he passed. Don't be afraid of memories. Personally, I believe if you do the best you can and you make peace before they pass - apologizing for any shortcomings and mistakes made along the way - it is a most beautiful experience.

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RayLinStephens,

Incredible story. I love it! Thanks for sharing.

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I just went through this in February. Mom has been living with me since August as her dementia was progressing and she could not care for herself. In mid January she got a bad UTI, ended up in the hospital for six days and just couldn't fight any longer, then we brought her home to pass, which she did a week later. I would not change it for the world. I would give anything to hold her hand for five more minutes, to stroke her hair one more time, to tell her again what a great mom she was and how much I loved her, to pray over her....... To have her family by her side as she took her last breath in the comfort of her own room, this is what she would have wanted and I would do it all over again.

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Montana,

Lovely story. Thanks so much for sharing it. Taking it all in. Trying to sort this out.

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My grandmother lived with us but did not actually die in our home. After her funeral....that night my mom could not sleep and didnt want to disturb my dad and went upstairs to my grandmothers room to try to get some sleep. She woke up and said my grandmother was sitting on bed and smiled at her. After that there was many experiences of her presence and others saw her upstairs also walking. Every night we also heard her walking around and our dog would be barking and going nuts. She stayed until my parents moved and don't know if she is still living in her room or not....lol

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Honey,

Wow! Just got goosebumps reading your post. Beautiful story. Your grandma loved all of you.

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I did all the time with my late dad! I would fear that I could not call 911 in the morning because since I am disabled, I would’ve had to wait for my assistant come to get me up, and find him lying on the floor. Luckily, it didn’t happen. I would pray to God that my dad would passed away on his bed. Instead, my dad was slowly dying with severe pain, and he went to the hospice. Then, he died two days later. I still am pleased that it turned out like this.

I believe that God would hear your fears, and help you with your mother’s plans.

Hugs. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

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Madtoe,

Geeeez, a lot of anxiety went along with your caregiving. It’s not easy, is it? I’m glad that you have no regrets and are at peace. Your father was blessed to have you caring for him.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Hugs!!!

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I would absolutely recommend letting a parent die in their own home if that is what they want. Gather everyone around and sit with them and tell stories. They will go when they are ready (usually when no one is around). You will feel like you did right by them honoring their wish. I still feel my mother’s presence in the home and I love it❤️

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castone,

Many feel the presence of their loved ones. You are certainly not alone. Thanks for sharing a lovely point of view.

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My mother died at home. We had converted a downstairs sitting room into her bedroom a few years beforehand. She had been almost entirely bedridden at home for three months before she passed away; so as you can imagine, there were an awful lot of memories in that room for me, not many of them joyful, but not all terrible either. I could think of times when she had looked content and comfortable and it all seemed worth it.

I wasn't plagued by thoughts of her lying there dead overnight (she died in the very early evening, her GP came at once to certify the death, but I told the undertakers to collect her the next day - couldn't face their making a rushed job of it). I turned off the heating, lit a candle, and checked in on her a few times overnight. Waving her goodbye through the gate and down the road next morning was worse, if anything.

Her hospital bed went back to the hospital, along with all the rest of the nursing-type kit. We moved furniture back in, put the rug back, and before long it was just a sitting room again. No especially eerie feelings about it.

I think, really, wherever your parent dies - or anyone you love, come to that - there are going to be painful wishes and flashbacks; unless you're one of the few fortunates for whom everything just happens to fall perfectly, naturally into place. Would I have found it easier to walk away from a hospital room knowing her body would go from there to the mortuary? - I can't see it. I know for certain it wasn't any easier to see my great aunt's empty room at the nursing home, or even to drive there knowing she wasn't there to be visited.

I tend to be sceptical when people say how much the world has changed and things ain't what they used to be and it's all so different now; but one thing (or two, rather) that unmistakably has changed is how exposed we are to both birth and death. We hardly ever fully witness either, in the ordinary course of things. No wonder we find them so frightening.

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Countrymouse,

So much truth and wisdom in your posts. Yes, I suppose we have irrational fears at times. Then you and others remind us of things that we need to hear. Things we never knew perhaps or have forgotten about. This is why it is good to have a forum like this one. We really can learn from one another. Thanks.

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It is hard for me to imagine that most people are telling you that it is easier or better for them to have a family member pass away in a facility than at home. I believe that our culture has developed in such a way that so many families, though they live one another, have such separate lives that they are detached and afraid of end of life events. Hospice providers are true angels and I have done both. Home and skilled nursing with them. My father passed in a care facility with family around and was also in Hospice there. My husband recently passed at home in the same way. It is always sad and traumatic. But it is the most intimate and important part of that proverbial "circle of life". And I do not know what your relationship is with your mom, so that can certainly be a factor. But you need to do what is right for you, without fear of guilt or judgement. I send you hugs! 🌻

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Thanks, She1933

Makes sense to me. I love my mom. It is hard for me being her full time caregiver since 2005. Not as cut and dry as some have it. Well, I personally don’t think anyone has a ‘perfect or ideal’ life. Ups and downs. I appreciate your encouragement. Thanks for responding.

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I cared for my mom, every day for 16yrs. No other family, money impossible. Sister quadriplegic with MS.
I learned more about Love and people than imagined.

I'm finding I could go on about it, but more important.
She died in my arms two years ago.
Fear of our own death is perceived differently than we assume others. Enough of me.

”GONE FROM MY SIGHT” - Barbara Karnes, RN.
www.bkbooks.com

This may already be known in the age caring community.
every caregiver should read, and have a couple copies.
there $2. Fear is easy to erase with Love, understanding.

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vonrock,

I can’t imagine but my mom went through what you did. Her sister asked her to prop up her pillow and while my mom was trying to adjust her pillow, she collapsed in my mother’s arms. She was only in her forties. We took in my cousins. My uncle died two years before my aunt. He had cancer and she had kidney problems.

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My Dad died very suddenly of a massive heart attack early in the morning, in the bed he shared with my Mum at home. His body was taken to hospital and that night I slept on his side of the bed next to my Mum. It was lovely to feel so close to him and it comforted my Mum to have me with her. I slept in that bed many times over the years and it was always comforting, never scary or weird. My Dad loved me and would never want to scare me, so there is nothing to be scared of.

When my husband's granny died her body was brought home and placed in an open coffin in her bedroom. The bedroom furniture had been moved out on top of the bed in the spare room, to make space for the coffin and for chairs for people to come and sit with her. My husband and I had travelled quite far and spent the night in her house, but obviously there was nowhere for us to sleep. We made a makeshift bed from duvets and pillows on the floor next to the coffin, we kissed her goodnight, told her we loved her, then slept on the floor by her side. We both slept soundly and it was lovely to be close to her.

I do worry about finding my Mum dead or dying, but only in the sense that I don't want her to be in pain, also it's such a huge responsibility, working out what to do, who to call etc. I wonder if I'll panic and just not know what to do. We don't always get to choose where we die, but when it does happen I hope it will be wherever and however it will be most comfortable for her. It certainly wouldn't make me feel differently about my home if she died while she was staying with us. I would just be happy that she would have known she was with us.

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Sofie,

I find it very interesting how differently everyone feels about death. Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you had a very loving family.

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I am taking care of my mom at home right now. I have her here
so she can die at home. I have no fear of it. To experience someone’s death is comforting in a odd sort of way. She was with me as I began my life and I am happy to be with her as she leaves hers. I have time to just sit with her and reflect on life both good and bad. Her mind isn’t with me any longer which makes me miss her already. She is 85 and dying of liver failure. Nancy

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Fleetlady,

What a beautiful outlook. Don’t you wish there was no suffering, just a date that we stopped breathing? Doesn’t usually work out that way. Just daydreaming...

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I have had three people die in my house or my parents house when I still lived there, First my paternal grandfather died in what was our dining room but had been made over into a bedroom as it was a two story house. He had a stroke in 1934 or 35 that left him paralyzed so he could not swallow. He literally starved to death. Then in 1962 my other grandfather died upstairs in a bedroom next to mine of a heart attack. I never saw any ghosts from either of them and I am able sometimes to see ghosts. My brother just died in my house in the bathroom from a heart attack that was in October 2018. He had just lost his dog that was 14 years old, one week to the day before my brother passed. This time it felt more personal. But I believe it is because I am now the last person in my family. I am all alone. My parents both passed in NH's and so did my sister, & one grandmother. My husband died in hospital as did my other grandmother. Now as to which I prefer, the home by a landslide. Why because there they are more comfortable and you can be with them 24/7 if you wish. When my dad passed it was a shock, I was with him on New years day all day but there was a snow storm coming that night and I could not get there the next. I got a call from his doctor while I was giving my mom her breakfast. It was the same with all of my relatives that passed somewhere other than home. I was very lucky to be with my mom but she was the only one. It took her a long time to die, I was even told by the nurse to give my mom permission because she was staying just for me. So my opinion is that the easiest and best place is in your own bed at home with all your family around you. Like my grandpa, he went to sleep and never woke up. I pray when I go that it will be in my own bed,not some hospital room or NH.

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Mary,

I don’t know where I’d like to be.

Thanks for responding.

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No fear of that at all. We are living in MIL's home to care for her. Her own mother and daughter each died in this same house. Also, my sister had our grandmother die of cancer in her home. Just not an issue for any of us. I guess it depends on the caregiver too. Some may cherish the opportunity to hold their loved one's hand and usher them to the threshold of eternity.

If it happened in a traumatic way, such as suicide or something else violent or sudden, I can see where it might be much more difficult to deal with it having happened in your home.

Grace & Peace to you...

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Thanks Auntie,

I agree with your perspective. Some situations are much harder than others. Thanks for sharing.

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My mama and daddy both died at home, and they were serene experiences. Daddy died in his recliner smelling an apple pie I was making for him; Mama died with me and my sister literally in the bed with her, encouraging her last breaths like delivery room coaches. They, and my husband, sister, and I, wouldn't have had it any other way. No ghosts in the house, just happiness and forever love.

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goddess,

A lot of people are quite comfortable with dealing with deaths, yet I respect that it isn’t for everyone. Thanks for responding.

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Does anyone else fear a parent dying in their home?

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