Caregiver bringing her children along. How do I tell her to leave her kids at home?

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Caregiver bringing her children along. How do I tell her to leave her kids at home?

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Look in the mirror and repeat this..
"I am sorry but you are going to have to find other care for your children. I realize these are difficult times but I can not risk your children getting hurt on my property, or they damaging something here. I also feel that with your children here if something were to happen to one of them while you are tending to "George" your instinct would be to leave him and go to your child leaving him in potential danger. If you can not find other child care I will have to find another caregiver and I do not want to do that I like how caring you are and you have done a good job"

If that is to long try this one.
" If you can not find other child care I will have to look for another caregiver. "
You could add one of the following
"Please do not bring them when you return on Monday"
"I will give you 1 week to find another arrangement"

A caregiver should NOT bring ANYONE with her or him. to bring another person places your family at risk. For COVID, for the extra person to repeat medical information that they have heard (violation of HIPAA) and the potential of letting others know that there is a house that might be a great one to try to break into, the fact that there might be drugs, that at least 1 person is vulnerable and can not fight back.....I could go on but that is enough.

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Grandma1954,

Or the person could make her sign a document protecting her from liability and lawsuits if one of her kids gets hurt.
If the caregiver can keep the situation in hand, then no one should whine too hard about the kids.

(1)

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Tell her you like her children but find it stressful having them around and that if she can't find anyone to look after them while she works, you will need to find someone else.
You are being fair by explaining this to her as it would be worse for her, not to be given that opportunity.
If you are straight with her about needing to find someone else, she is less likely to try to influence you to change your mind. She knows you mean it.
Good luck, be strong!

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Well first IF she is paid thru a company....notify the company. You are paying for HER.......not for her to bring kids along. She is there to take care of YOU.........not to also take care of her kids. what are you going to do IF something goes missing......how will she react if you claim one of her kids did it? what happens if something of value gets broken? then what...........Just inform her that you prefer she not bring her children and that if they continue to come along you will no longer require her services. Wishing you luck.

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You made some great points especially about what happens if she claims her caregiver's children broke something ? There was one instance when my father thought our caregiver's son broke something. She screamed in his face right in front of a repairman that was in the home. Even the repairman asked my father why he would even allow her in his home after speaking to him like that .

(4)

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I think what is sad is that she obviously does not have a sitter and needs the job. If she is from an agency and you tell them she will probably be immediately fired. On the other hand, it seems you are OK with the 10-year-old because she knows how to behave. I would write her a note so you can express yourself without hostility and give her at the end of her shift when she is leaving. This way once it is read, she is out of your house and either gets it or does not come back but maintain your safety. Don't know how someone may respond with threat of losing her job. Dear... First, I hate to even have this conversation because we know you know better. You know children should not be with you so there must be a reason. To continue this, please mind your sons to behave in my home and respect my things by looking and not touching, bring them quiet entertainment or we can no longer work together. I'm not saying anything you don't know so you will either understand or come out of a bag but you deal with this before you return. Thank you and God Bless.

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If the children interact with your loved one then it could be a good thing. Caregiving is looking after the best interest of the person you are carrying for. If the children are able to contribute into the care, if say move the stuff you don't wasn't touched. If they are not contributing to the care or interaction, then be merciful. It's not easy having children right now. Schools are a mess, we still have this pandemic, predators look for young children, and this may be the only job this person can have right now. The caregiver is helping you and you are helping them.

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While I appreciate the risks and the boundary concerns, I'm glad someone here speaks to the reality of what it's like having a front line/low skill job like this while also raising kids. The poor woman is probably trying to keep it all together. If the kids are disruptive and can't be contained/redirected, then yes, something has to go. And perhaps it's gone to far with other extended family members coming over as well. But there's also an opportunity here for both sides to grow. Community is what keeps us all afloat. With proper boundaries, everyone might benefit from the expanded social network.
My mom's aide recently had to bring her two daughters (age 4 &7) over during school break, when their usual babysitter was on quarantine. It was either that or she couldn't come that week. It was temporary, and the girls were well behaved. Mom enjoyed the company. It was a win-win for all that week.

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You just have to tell her exactly what you just wrote here.

She probably can't afford to hire a Sitter.

You'll have to weigh the pros and cons before letting her go.

Maybe you can let her know to tell the children not to touch your things or go in to your office.

Maybe you could have one room where they can stay to Watch TV, Color, kids hand held learning computer, a Board game, ect and play outdoors.

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No, sorry, I don't agree. It is not the patient's responsibility to provide an playroom for the paid caregiver's children. If she can't afford to hire a sitter, then perhaps it goes back on the agency who provides her services.

(8)

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You don't have to apologize. You're the employer. Simply state the reality: You do good work. However, in the future, please leave the children home or I'll need to find someone else.

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Can I then charge the caregiver $10.00 an hour for watching her children in my new "play room"?

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If she works for an agency, contact the agency directly. They most likely have a policy about bringing children to clients' homes. They should handle the discussion with her. It is something they should be made aware of.

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ProCareGiver23,

Everyone's situation is not the same. Sometimes a person does not have to be a hard a** about it.
When you have a good caregiver who's honest and decent, be grateful because we're not so easy to come by.
Speaking to the caregiver first is often a better idea then immediately snitching on them to their supervisor.

(4)

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I dont miss the days of dealing with this. My father's caregiver took full advantage of me being in the home. For the entire time she worked for our family she brought her son. Since I worked from home, she also expected me to babysit while they went to doctor's appointments. Once my daughters got older, she would ask them to watch him. This turned into her older son coming over and her nieces. They would literally take over our house and treat my children as if they were strangers. Please do not start a pattern of allowing the caregiver to bring her children. If she worked in an office, she would not be able to bring her children. She needs to make other arrangements. I would give notice that by xyz date, she needs to make other arrangements for her children. She cannot bring them after that. Please be stern about this if you are able.

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"My father's caregiver took full advantage of me being in the home." No one can "take advantage" of another person unless they allow it. (or force or gunpoint as exceptions) We all (myself included) grow and learn from our experiences.

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You have a one word answer to that. "NO". She is being paid to do a job, and she must find alternative day-care for her children. It is highly unprofessional, and should be stopped. Does she work for an agency, or do you pay her directly? Either way, tell her that she can't bring the children and she needs to find alternate care for them.
If she feels that she would rather not be employed by you, then that's OK. You deserve someone who focuses on you for the time they are with you.

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This is a matter of appropriate behavior and boundaries. You will need to set them. There is no way this is OK. If any member of the family is injured you are responsible for that. You basically tell her that she cannot bring her children to your workplace. If that is impossible you will have to hire another person. This woman is working for you. I can't imagine why it's so hard to tell her what her rules are.

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Good morning. I think that the caregiver not discussing bringing kids with you first was wrong. However, lets look at what might be putting the pressure on them... this is probably as simple as no in-person schooling (so ask when they go back). Average daycare costs are over 10k a year... average pay for a elder care giver is less than minimum wage... Average medical costs/coverage with 3 kids... who knows. If you like the caregiver and you want them to continue, a nice gesture would be to find some way to help until the caregiver can send the children back to school. Maybe its financial, maybe its agreeing on some strict ground rules, maybe its through people you know or your understanding of helpful resources. Good luck to both of you.

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I'm going to assume that the caregiver is not caring for you but rather someone else in your house.
Does the person she's the caregiver to like having her kids there? Sometimes elderly people like having little kids around. It makes them happy. I used to bring my boy along to my client's house from time to time. Not for lack of childcare, but because my elderly clients liked him so much and looked forward to seeing him.
If the person being cared for likes the caregiver's kids and them being there doesn't interfere with the work she has to get done, then leave well enough alone.
However, have a serious talk with her about what is not allowed in your house. Your office is off limits. Her kids do not make a mess or play with your stuff. Your house cannot be her daycare replacement. The kids being at your place cannot be an every day thing. If your worker is okay with this and is respectful of it, she needs to also sign a legal document stating that if one of her kids gets hurt at your house she will not try to sue you. Caregivers for the elderly are usually poor and do not earn decent wages. If they work for an agency low wages and no benefits are guaranteed.
The agencies have themselves covered and protected. The worker signs paperwork that they will not sue the agency if they get hurt at work. The clients and their property are not protected. A caregiver might get an opportunity if you know what I mean, and the chances of an opportunity increase if the kids come along too.
Get her to sign a liability agreement to protect yourself from possible lawsuits. When that's done and she agrees to your conditions, don't be too strict on the kids showing up if the person being cared for doesn't mind them being there. If they do mind then it has to be a hard 'NO' and you'll have to find a new caregiver.

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Bravo - I would not tolerate children coming and getting into everything. Most likely the caretaker is used to this or chooses to ignore it. This is just unacceptable. Unless they can be "forced" to sit quietly in front of a tv, I would make it clear this cannot continue. You should speak to her about this before you find a new one. Perhaps there is a solution. If not, get someone different.

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We had the same problem with one of the caregivers.
It started as an "unexpected problem arose" then evolved into an everyday matter. We asked her not to
bring her 3 and 5 year olds along. Stopped for a while; then started up again plus they were high energy kids
and my MIL was a frail 92 year old. Terminated the care-giver for that and many other little problems.

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Can’t agree with a caregiver bringing along her child. Her attention should be on your love one, not her child. She’s being paid to work; I don’t know of many job locations that would allow the employee to bring their child with them. Only once a year companies celebrate “Bring your child to work” day. Even then, it’s meant to be educational—not a substitute for daycare.

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The caregiver bringing their children to work is totally inappropriate and unprofessional. This isn't a family member trying to help out, this is a paid professional coming to work. Her children should not be with her. Stop accepting her actions immediately. If you like the care she provides and would like to give her the opportunity to "right her wrong", tell her in no uncertain terms that she cannot bring her children to work or she will be replaced.

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As you said:
"LEAVE YOUR KIDS AT HOME"

Otherwise, this working relationship won't work.
And, there are liability issues. What if the kid(s) fall, get hurt. This is on you legally. Immediately start looking for someone else as a back-up. Just in case you need to replace her.

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“You have lovely children and I’m going to ask you to not bring them to my home when you’re on duty. It causes me more stress than it’s worth. If you’re not able to do so, I’m going to have to find another caregiver.”

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Find out why she brings them sometimes. If the answer is no babysitter, then ask what she is going to do in summer.if she plans on bringing them then you have got to tell her that that is unacceptable..

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Higgins, have u talked to the Caregiver?

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This caregiver has one heck of a nerve. Very unprofessional and unacceptable. Little kids pick things up and take home with them.

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My husband's caregiver has an adopted 6 year old boy. He attends school next door to our residence. He gets out of school at 2:30 and she works till 3pm. Everyday she, my husband and the dog walk to the school to pick up the boy and walk home.
He sits at the counter and eats his after school snack until she finishes up.
During the week of snow we had in Feb, she had no electricity for the week. I insisted that her family come stay in our house until her electricity came back
My husband enjoyed the company. Her older son sat and watched movies with my husband; her fiancé cleared a bunch of fallen branches, and she and I carried on as usual. Her 6 year old kept my husband entertained with his dinosaurs and hot cars
It's a personal choice how you treat your caregiver. Ours has become a family member. She and I will remain in touch after my husband has to go into MC.

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It can be wonderful if it works out. If it doesn't work out it's a nightmare. Same with animals.

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I am an RN who has worked as a companion/aide. It surprises me that so many in the field do things that seem inappropriate, perhaps b/c of poor training, lack of common sense or b/c they have not been taught respect of this type. HOWEVER, the job pays very little and uses bodies to staff. Anyway, I am always able to tell others what they should do, but am passive-agressive. First, the best way to try to change this would be to be the advocate and explain, kindly, but firmly your expectations. Client’s do not like “to tell on their caregivers” for fear of getting them fired, b/c they have heard about the caregiver’s life. Good grief, Being in a caregiving situation that is natural, but also a great way to manipulate! So....if talking does not remedy the solution, report it to their supervisor. If you are privately paying, it is a hard decision if you fear having no one at all versus a caregiver who disrespects the “care plan. Honestly, a good caregiver is a blessing and often hard to find. It still does not negate the fact that the caregiver is in a paid position with rules/ guidelines to follow.

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Imho, there is no way that is acceptable and it CANNOT continue. She is a caregiver and this is very unprofessional and quite frankly, rude. If she cannot find childcare for her children, she shouldn't be employed as a caregiver.

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Hello,
I am a Supervisor in Homecare. I read thought some of the threads and definitely agree with “ wifeofadrummer” I believe she said it best. However, I don’t know if you are going through the state or if you are paying for care with an agency. If you’re going through an agency, if so most of them don’t allow children in your house. It’s usually against ALL policies and procedures. The policies are set into play through Medicaid. If a child were too get hurt it’s going to be a liability problem.The caregiver would and has been terminated for this. Breaking rules has consequences. This is a big deal in my state.
If you are paying for service privately. then you could just let the caregiver just know it’s a huge liability on your behalf and ask her not to bring any of them. Even if you are paying private. It could mean you receive the caregiver through an agency so the same rules should still apply.

Remember if you need to say anything do it nicely. These girls(most of them ) are not respected enough for the kind of work they’ve chosen to do. Too leand a helping hand especially nowadays is a Godsend. To say the least. Another scenario is she maybe home schooling them now and has no support system in place, but needless to say something has got to give.
Best of luck!

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Along with others advice you also have to worry about the possibility of them bringing COVID-19 into your house.

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Did she ask permission to bring them?
Did you give permission on a rare occasion and she figured you would allow it?
Anyhow, I feel that I would simply explain she needs to leave her children at home during work hours.

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I don't know how she can watch the 6 yr old and do her job at thee same time. I guess she has no place else to put them so she takes them with her. I understand how you would not like this., and if she can't find a babysitter then maybe you should find another caregiver.

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Isabelsdaughter,

Every caregiving situation is not the same. It's very possible to get the actual work done with kids there.
Much of the job is more or less just an exercise in patience and endurance of mind-numbing boredom. Caregivers can manage that with kids. Many times an elderly person likes having kids around too.

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One of the biggest things I learned during my years & years of caregiving for parents, husband, children:

Pick your battles. Caregivers get paid very little & good ones are certainly not a dime a dozen.

This is a long, long, long difficult journey. Have your chat with her and be done with it - not worth losing a good one.

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But the problem is, they are not well behaved. Her house is not child proof and they don't listen to her.

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Hi
My layman's understanding of the law is that if you had the caregiver sign a waiver absolving you of responsibility if one of her children was hurt on your property or broke something, it would not stand up in a court of law if there was a suit. Perhaps another contributor who has a law background could answer this better.

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Caregiver bringing her children along. How do I tell her to leave her kids at home?

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